Make Sure Your Love Making is
Making Love
So! We get to talk about sex now? Well, actually no. What I’m
going to talk about is love. If you are in love and being loved,
it is part of the natural process to make love, and this is both
fun and fraught with all sorts of problems. In a relationship, as
successful Rules Players, we have to be kind, courteous, rever-
ential, stimulating, creative, respectful, thoughtful,
considerate, and sexual. Within that sexual relationship we
have to be all those things as well—respectful, kind, etc. We
have to take our partner’s needs and wants into consideration
without subjecting ourselves to anything we wouldn’t want to
do or find embarrassing or difficult. We have the right to pri-
vacy. We have the right to respect. We have the right to be
held in high esteem.
And so does our partner. Consideration has to be the key
word. We have to be considerate of what our partner needs,
likes, wants, is capable of doing. We have to be courteous.
And yes, within all this there is a space and a place for pas-
sion, for excitement, for rude raunchy sex. We don’t have to
be tame to be considerate, we don’t have to be inhibited to be
kind, we don’t have to be tame just because we are being
respectful. This isn’t about being unexciting or dreary or
boring just because we are taking our partner’s safety, privacy,
health, intimacy into account. Even the most passionate lovers
can be kind to each other while tearing each other’s clothes off
and having very physical sex—the two can go together.
Having sex with someone you love—making love if you like—
is an honor in a way. (For me, just having someone these days