Check You Both Have the Same
Shared Goals
When we first meet and fall in love, we think we know pretty
well everything we can about our love. We have so much in
common. It all seems so easy, so intuitive, so natural. Of
course we want the same. Of course we are two sides of the
same coin. Of course we are going to share life’s highway
together.
Wrong, wrong, wrong. The highway will diverge at times, and
if you aren’t on the ball, you will lose sight of each other com-
pletely and forever. You have to keep checking that you are
both using the same map so to speak, both heading for the
same destination, both going in the same direction even.
So what are your shared goals? Where do you both think
you’re going? No, don’t guess here. Don’t make them assumed
goals or even guessed goals. You have to know what your part-
ner thinks are the shared goals—and what you think. They
might be a world apart. Or then again they might be very
close. You’ll only know if you ask, discreetly of course. Don’t
want to frighten the horses here.
And you have to differentiate between shared goals and shared
dreams. We all have dreams—the cottage by the sea, the trip
round the world, the Ferrari, the second home in Malibu, the
purpose-built wine cellar (fully stocked, of course), the
Olympic-size swimming pool—but goals are different. Goals
are to have children (or not); to travel a lot; to retire early and
live in Spain; to bring up the children to be happy, well-
adjusted people; to stay together (!); to move to the
countryside/town; to downsize together and work from home;
to run your own business together; to get a dog. I guess