handle than the results of continued running—either regular trips to doc-
tors and emergency rooms—or seeing Jane narrow her life to avoid malls,
crowds, stores, and anything more threatening than her own living room
in the mistaken belief that the fear lives there rather than in her own
mind. This response, by the way, is called agoraphobia, which is com-
monly thought to be the fear of open spaces but in fact is the desire for
the false safety of shutting out the frightening.
The way to deal effectively with anything scary, whether it’s Jane’s
panic or your discomfort, is one step at a time. Giving Jane a lecture on
the virtues of facing fears will not accomplish anything. Though you both
may be convinced that it’s the right thing to do, you may not know how
to do it.
We’ll go into this throughout the book, looking into a number of
strategies for dealing humanely and effectively with frightened people. For
now, here are a few rules of thumb to remember:
THINK FIRST. Before you deal with Jane’s panic attack or any other emo-
tional explosion, stop and think about what’s going on and what you’re try-
ing to accomplish. None of the people we’ll discuss are bleeding or in need
of CPR. They will not get worse if you take a minute to think. In fact, as
we’ll see later, they may get better. Explosions are interactive. When another
person’s emergency alarm is going off, just being nearby will set yours off as
well. That doesn’t mean the situation is in fact a life and death emergency.
If you respond as if it were, your agitation increases the overall sense of dan-
ger. If you take a minute to stop and think, whether you come up with a
good idea or not, you are nevertheless setting a good example.
CONSIDER THE ALTERNATIVES AND PICK ONE. The typical response
to emotional explosions is to attempt several different, often incompati-
ble, actions at the same time. Your feelings are likely to be mixed and con-
fused, but your behavior should not be. Nothing beats having a plan, so
do nothing until you have one.
Consider the alternatives. If you suspect Jane is experiencing a real
threat to her life, call 911 and let the paramedics sort things out. Don’t
accept “I’ll be okay, just take me home” as an excuse if you’re in doubt as
to her safety.
12 ❧Emotional Explosions