meant anything to you, you’d do a better job of keeping your
promises. If I have an important appointment, I always arrange
my schedule so I can be there at least 10 minutes early. It’s just a
matter of respect.”These “explanations” can be a form of torture. At best, they’re a
biased version of the situation with the details twisted and turned so they
all point to the supposedly inescapable fact that you are completely and
utterly wrong. Often, the explanations are interspersed with hostile ques-
tioning designed to elicit even more information to misrepresent.
The desire to “explain” your side will burn inside you. Keep it there.
Most of us have an irrational belief that if we clearly explain situations to
angry people, they’ll realize they were wrong and we’re right. This belief
is nothing short of delusional. No matter how reasonable your explanation
may seem, it will be perceived, correctly, as a counterattack. Never attempt
to explain anything to an angry person, unless you’re willing to deal with
the escalation that will surely occur.
In the next chapters we’ll discuss some more effective strategies. For
now, be warned. Explanations may seem like a reasonable attempt to solve
a problem by talking it over, but in angry situations very little is what it
seems, and nothing is reasonable.
The first step in managing anger effectively is recognizing it, both in
other people and yourself. For many reasons, psychological, physiological,
or moral, people don’t recognize anger until it reaches explosive propor-
tions and it’s too late to do much about it. Regardless of whose anger it is,
the earlier in the process you intervene, the more likely you are to cool
things down. It’s much easier to pinch out a sputtering fuse than to contain
an explosion.
Medications for Anger
Serotonin reuptake inhibitors and other members of the newer generation
of antidepressants are the medications most frequently prescribed for anger
control problems. They work quite well for some people, but for others they
can be a disaster.
Explosions into Anger ❧ 223