related to the display of anger. When I see them in a client, I disrupt by pre-
tending to be an anthropologist from Mars.
“Brittany,” I say, “what does it mean when you quote your boss,
then roll your eyes and make a kind of throat-clearing noise?” I
demonstrate.*
“What is the significance of adding the syllable ‘uh’ to the end
of the word ‘no’?”*
“Does ‘Yeah, right’ mean you agree or disagree?”You get the idea.WITHDRAWAL. Sometimes angry people don’t do anything. They just
walk away, or perhaps sit there conspicuously not talking. This is, of
course, an unfair attempt at controlling the situation, but if you don’t make
a big deal of it, nothing further will happen. A cold shoulder may be
better than a conflagration.
One of the most useful techniques in dealing with anger is taking a
“time-out,” but if it’s taken unilaterally, it just looks like another way of
expressing anger. The rules for time-outs must be agreed upon before-
hand. The most important ones are: no following, no parting comments,
and both people must agree how long the time-out will last. We’ll discuss
this technique in more detail later.
AN UNCONTROLLABLE URGE TO EXPLAIN. Angry people usually
believe they’ve been mistreated or misunderstood. They will attempt to
explain the situation so you’ll understand it
At two a.m. you’re completely exhausted, but David is just getting
started. “You say you care about me, but if how I feel actually222 ❧Explosions into Anger