The Ability to Do More than Listen
Important as it is, listening doesn’t require much effort or knowledge.
Gone are the days when therapists can get away with nodding, para-
phrasing, and asking “What do you think?” when you ask a question.
Clients are paying for expertise, not just attention. Obviously, there are
some questions clients must answer for themselves, but there are several
that therapists should answer after the first couple of sessions.
WHAT DO YOU THINK IS WRONG? There must be some clear agreement
between client and therapist about what is being treated. This can be
expressed as a diagnosis with some explanation of what it means and how
it works, or simply by a clear description of the problem. This question
should never be answered with, “What do you think is wrong with you?”
without the therapist eventually giving his or her opinion.
HOW WILL YOU TREAT THE PROBLEM? Therapy for explosive disorders
is active, focused treatment, not a fishing expedition. There should be a
plan at the beginning, and a way of evaluating success. Treatment plans
should show familiarity with both physical and psychological aspects of
explosive disorders, and, though therapists go about things in many dif-
ferent ways, should still cover all the steps I have listed for treatment of
the various explosive disorders.
Some very competent therapists may strongly disagree with my strate-
gies. They may be right, especially since they’ve had a chance to actually
talk to you. Listen to their reasons, and see what kind of case they make.
Boldness
Therapists must be respectful, but not nice. A therapist should not follow
the same rules of politeness as friends or family. Pros ask difficult and
sometimes annoying questions, and we will not take throwaway lines for
an answer. Therapists are supposed make you think. Sometimes the
thinking makes you squirm.
If you feel your therapist is being too insensitive, it’s always appropri-
ate to ask, “What are you doing and how is it supposed to help me?” A
good therapist can stop on a dime, answer the question, and then go back
to whatever he or she was doing.
Where to Get Help ❧ 281