been generous, trusting, and somewhat casual in her mothering
style. Afterward, she felt guilty and responsible, unsure of herself,
and anxious that something bad could happen again. She became
overcontrolling and overprotective. Gone was her fun and spon-
taneity, her sense of living in a safe world, her feeling of self-confid-
ence.
A Demeter mother may feel guilty for any event that has an ad-
verse effect on her child. Until she has some insight into her unreal-
istic expectations that she should be the perfect mother, she expects
herself to be all-knowing and all-powerful, capable of foreseeing
events and protecting her child from all pain.
With the intention of protecting her child, a Demeter woman may
become overcontrolling. She hovers over every move, intercedes on
the child’s behalf, and takes over when there is any possibility of
harm. Consequently, the child stays dependent on her to deal with
people and problems.
The children of a controlling Demeter mother sometimes stay
forever close to her, the psychological umbilical cord still quite intact.
Dominated by her personality, they remain Mother’s little girls or
Mama’s boys well into adulthood. Some such children may never
marry. When they do, they often maintain stronger filial bonds than
conjugal ones. For example, a Demeter’s son may be at his mother’s
beck and call, to the dismay of his wife, whose wishes always take
a backseat. Or a Demeter’s daughter may never agree to go on a
long vacation with her husband, because she cannot leave her
mother for that length of time.
In an effort to lead their own lives, some children of an overcon-
trolling Demeter mother may break away and stay away, creating
both a geographical and an emotional distance between them. Often
they do so when a mother has unconsciously tried to make them
feel beholden, guilty, or dependent.
Another negative mother model for Demeter women is the
mother who can’t say no to her children. She sees herself as the
selfless, bountiful, providing mother, who gives and gives. Beginning
when they are young, this Demeter mother wants her children to
have whatever they want. If it’s much more expensive than she can
afford, she either will make sacri-
Goddesses in Everywoman