IDENTIFYING WITH DEMETER
A woman who identifies with Demeter acts like a bountiful, ma-
ternal goddess with an unlimited capacity to provide. She can’t say
no if someone needs her attention or help. This Demeter trait makes
a woman stay on the phone longer than she wants to with a de-
pressed friend, or agree to be the homeroom mother when she’d
rather not, or give up her one free afternoon to help someone instead
of reserving this time for herself. And Demeter is present in the
therapist who gives her anxious client the extra hour that was her
only break in the day’s heavy schedule, whose evenings are invari-
ably interrupted by lengthy phone calls, and whose sliding-scale
fees are always at the lower end of the scale. This instinct to nurture
can eventually deplete a woman in a helping profession and can
lead to “burnout” symptoms of fatigue and apathy.
When a woman instinctively says yes to everyone who needs
something from her, she will rapidly find herself overcommitted.
She is not an unlimited natural resource, even if other people and
the Demeter within her expect her to be so. A Demeter woman must
confront the goddess time and time again, if she is to take charge of
her own life. Instead of an instinctive yes, which is Demeter’s re-
sponse, she must be able to choose when and how and to whom she
will give. To do so, she must learn to say no—both to a person who
needs something from her and to the goddess within.
MATERNAL INSTINCT
If this archetype has its way, a Demeter woman may also not be
able to say no to getting pregnant. Because maternity is an inner
imperative for her, a Demeter woman may unconsciously collude
with the Demeter archetype, may “forget” when she is fertile, or
may “be careless” about birth control. Thus she may find herself
pregnant when circumstances are far from ideal.
A Demeter woman must be able to choose when and with whom
she will have a baby. She needs to recognize that the Demeter
within her has no interest in the realities of her life and no concern
for timing. If pregnancy is to happen at the
Demeter: Goddess of Grain, Nurturer and Mother