208 Grief and Loss Across the Lifespan
the death left a void and the new birth created joy; (b) “No to a child memo-
rial,” as they actively coped to differentiate the new child and allow him or
her to avoid the burden of being a memorial; and (c) “Different parenting,” as
they had both higher levels of anxiety but more fulfillment in the parenting.
Although the authors recognize that Israel’s pronatal attitudes may play a role,
they assert that having another child is a form of meaning-making that helps
these parents maintain purpose and hope.
Suicide among young people is a growing parental and societal concern.
Gibson, Gallagher, and Jenkins (2010) examined midlife parents’ readjustment
to the workplace following the suicide of a child and found that their most
difficult tasks required good memory and concentration along with interac-
tion and innovation. Parents felt that their “energy, creativity and confidence
were significantly reduced following their bereavement” (p. 512). They coped
by “shutting things out,” structuring their day, and choosing to complete spe-
cific tasks only when they felt able. Parents were initially apprehensive about
returning to the workplace and worried about how they would manage inter-
actions and emotions. Parental survivors of adult child suicide often experience
guilt, a sense of failure and shame, fear of being judged harshly, and a desire
not to disclose the suicide (Begley & Quale, 2007). Maple, Edwards, Plummer,
and Minichiello (2010) found that due to concern about being judged, midlife
parents had limited open dialogue about, or refrained from discussing, their
child. As a consequence, social support was limited and their healing process
was inhibited.Death of a Sibling in Adulthood
In the first edition of this text we observed that little attention had been paid
to the loss of an adult sibling and little has changed. Most siblings spend 80%
to 100% of their lifetime with a brother or sister (Packman, Horsely, Davies, &
Kramer, 2006). The baby boom generation has revolutionized concerns about
the numbers of midlife adults who will be coping with sibling loss (Taylor,
Clark, & Newton, 2008) and due to geographic distance, they may often mourn
without nuclear family support nearby. Some speculate that this cohort’s
access to technologies like e-mail and Facebook will enhance opportunities
for siblings who are geographically separated to maintain closer bonds than
might be expected (Taylor et al., 2008), possibly leading to greater grief upon
a sibling’s death.
Despite common belief, the sibling relationship “does not dissipate
when people leave their parental home” (Godfrey, 2006, p. 6). Once par-
ents are gone, siblings provide an important tie to the past; sibling ties often
strengthen following the death of both parents (Marshall & Davies, 2011).
Sibling relationships are important in adulthood and can provide compan-
ionship, support and contribute to one’s sense of self as a family member
(Godfrey, 2006). Surviving siblings must redefine who they are in the con-
text of their family relationships including birth order and roles within the
nuclear family (Harvard Mental Health Letter, 2008). When adults lose a sib-
ling, they often miss the understanding, support, and companionship of the
sibling, but on a deeper level they may grieve for a part of themselves that is
missing (Godfrey, 2006).