60 Grief and Loss Across the Lifespan
DEVELOPMENTAL STAGE: TRUST VERSUS MISTRUST AND
AUTONOMY VERSUS SHAME
Infancy through the time a child typically enters kindergarten (usually age 5)
involves tremendous change physically, cognitively, psychologically, and
socially. Infants weigh around 7 pounds at birth and have little ability to care
for themselves (other than to send dependency signals and hope their caregiv-
ers are attuned). Erikson (1980) theorized that infants develop a schema based
on whether they believe they will be cared for adequately and lovingly. They
develop trust if their caregivers provide attuned, trustworthy caregiving, or
mistrust if they are not well attuned. Recent neurobiological findings indicate
that attuned caregiving in childhood is associated with being able to engage
in trusting and caring relationships in the future, supporting Erikson’s theory
(Siegel, 2012).
By the time children enter preschool or kindergarten, they typically
weigh around 40 pounds and can walk, run, talk, and articulate requests for
care. They move through Erikson’s stage of autonomy versus shame (1980)
during which they learn to control bodily wastes and begin to gain control
over themselves and their behavior. They can make friends, play, and begin
to form current attachments as well as develop the template for relationship
styles over their lifetime (Ainsworth, 1969; Ainsworth, 1982). They have not
yet entered the broader world of school and adults who judge them. Instead,
in ideal circumstances, they have parents and relatives who love them uncon-
ditionally and help promote their development. Even under ideal circum-
stances, infants, toddlers, and preschoolers experience maturational losses
involved with growth.Biological Development
Newborns depend on others for the care they need (nutrition, cleaning and
hygiene, and stimulation to promote growth), but they are born with a surpris-
ing number of reflexes that help them survive. These promote care from others
while priming actions that promote motor skill development (Slaughter, 2014).
The Moro reflex is elicited when a newborn’s head moves abruptly and the
infant throws out the extremities and grasps in response, seemingly to prevent
falls. Another reflex involves turning toward a soft stimulus on the cheek to
grab a nipple for sustenance. The tight grasp a newborn exhibits when any-
thing is placed in his or her grip is the endearing reflex that helps the infant
hold on to something solid and elicit a bonding response from adults.
Newborns spend about 16 hours per day sleeping, but they sleep in
shorter stretches than adults and new parents often feel sleep deprived. Sleep
scientists traditionally use a five-hour span of sleep (midnight to 5 a.m.) to
define “sleeping through the night” (Henderson, France, & Blampied, 2011),
yet most parents disagree and worry about their infant’s and their own sleep
health (Henderson, Motoi, & Blampied, 2013). As infants learn to self-sooth,
they sustain longer periods of sleep, actually building the ability to self-
regulate and fall back to sleep. The first 3 months are very labile, but sleep
consolidates around 3 or 4 months and infants can generally sustain sleep for