because they’re likely to take direct action rather than just
talk nonsense on the radio. I can only put it down to my
desire to eat the pope, who I notice is being highly
conspicuous by his absence from this game. Coward.
While the threat of being shot weighs heavily on my
prime-ministerial mind, I have more pressing problems.
There are warnings of a media monopoly, which I have no
problem with as long as they’re on my side, but my
education U-turn has made me appear untrustworthy.
What more do people want? I’m still seen as a strong,
compassionate leader, however.
Election time, and my election pledges include cutting
income tax by 2 5%, raising GDP even further, and extra
funding to the intelligence services. I have no intention of
cutting taxes, but the voters don’t know that. I’m well on
my way to winning my second term in office, during
which I intend to abandon the idea of term limits so I can
stay in power until I’ve finished my transformation plan.
It’s a disaster. Only 0 .4% of my drunk, badly educated
citizens vote for me out of an enormous 7 3% turnout. This
is an atrocity. I wasn’t hated, I was loved. Feared, almost.
GDP was high! Immigration was low (legal immigration,
anyway), I was on top of the budget deficit and really
great at windsurfing! The simple lack of gratitude from
the populace for all I’ve done for them is unbelievable.
Literally so. I don’t believe it. It makes me think that,
somehow, PC Gamer itself has interfered in my election
win to make it look like I’ve lost – especially as the
apparent winners, the Radical Democrats, use red as their
colour and there’s red all over the magazine’s logo.
Such is the cover-up of my true glorious victory that I
am offered only the chance of retirement in obscurity. I
am being silenced! Silenced, I tell you. The only
conclusion I can possibly come to is that this magazine
has a left-wing bias, and its editor is a communist.I’LL FIDDLE WITH THE TAX
BURDEN TO PUNISH THEM,
SEE HOW THEYLIKE THAT
FAR LEFT: Obviously
this is a good idea, but
it will have to wait until
my second term
thanks to pesky
public opinion.LEFT: Of coursethe
economy is
uncompetitivewhen
the workers spend so
much time counting
their money. Give it to
me and I’ll count it.ABOVE: Democracy
4 ’s main screen can
take a little time to get
used to, but contains a
lot of information.EXTRA LIFE
121
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