“Recovering addicts need to stand
proudly and understand that they
may be the bravest people in the
world. And doing Savasana on the
mat rather than lying in a ditch is
to have the fortitude to climb a very
steep mountain.”
From the book, Yoga for Life, A
Journey to Inner Peace and Freedom,
by Colleen Saidman YeeYOGA FOR ADDICTION
IN HER BOOK, YOGA FOR LIFE, A JOURNEY TO INNER PEACE
AND FREEDOM, COLLEEN SAIDMAN YEE TALKS ABOUT
BECOMING ADDICTED TO HEROIN. HERE SHE RECOUNTS
HER BATTLE WITH DRUGS AND HOW YOGA CAN BE A
POWERFUL TOOL FOR ADDICTION RECOVERY
I was very young. I had been in quite a severe accident
that left me with a skull fracture, and without all the
workings of my brain that I’d had prior, so I was incredibly
frustrated. Before, I remembered everything, every lyric to
every song. And then, after the accident, it definitely had
an effect on my brain. My grades went down. I couldn’t
remember anything. So I was looking for an escape. This
is what I believe was just part of the trigger. I tried first
with running. I was really into running, and there were
times when I was running, that I could not be in pain
anymore, emotionally.
Then I went to prayer, which resonated with me. I realise
today it’s almost like chanting, where you can sort of
lose yourself in it; but it was so temporary. I had already
started smoking weed and hash, and all the stuff that
you do in high school (or that we did in Indiana in high
school!). I progressed from there into heroin. And that
seemed to be the answer. All pain just dissipated. It felt
like pure love, you know?
But the problem was that you had to just keep doing
it and doing it and doing it, in order to keep getting that
same feeling. I did not realise that I was addicted. I was
able to keep a job down. So I was very much a functional
addict, for a while, until it became more about, “How can
I get that relief?” The job didn’t matter as much. I would
start going into blackout days and doing binges and
whatnot. And then my father called me at the end of a
three-day blackout. I was on a waterbed, an octagon-
shaped waterbed with yellow sheets. I remember that. I
answered the phone, and he told me that I needed to be
at my brother’s graduation that day. Somehow I made my
way there, but I was still as high as a kite, holding onto the
wall, dressed very inappropriately.
That was the time when my family thought I was in
trouble. Up until that time, I didn’t really think I was. And
even then I didn’t, until I got to New York City. We ran
away, came to New York City, because they were crazy, and
realised that I needed this.
This isn’t a casual thing.
I need it to be myself,
and my body needed it. I
have a firm belief that you
almost have to get to that
point in order to get off
it. You have to get to the
point where you are like,
“I cannot do this anymore,
because of the loss and
the pain I’m causing other
people.” I detoxed myself
and haven’t touched
it since.HOW DOES YOGA HELP WITH RECOVERY
The truth is, I didn’t have yoga at that point. But I have been
privileged enough to work with many at this point who do.
I think it creates an intimacy with the body, so that you
can feel good. So, sort of falling in love with the body, and
also realising that you can actually feel good. It makes you
sit with the things that you were trying to run away from.
And realising that in the centre of all of that, you do touch
a stillness or a peace. It doesn’t have to be the drama of
heroin, but we’re all addicted to different things in different
ways. I feel like I have a chocolate addiction! And when
you’re looking for that comfort or that fix or that feeling
of not having that craving anymore, there’s still a twitch.
There’s still this, “I need that. I need that to be okay.”
And where that shows up in the body a lot of times is
actually the jaw; that sort of gripping and clamouring.
And then also in the hips, and also a feeling of agitation.
So with that information, you can design a yoga class
around that. The addicts, they need to move. They’re not
going to just lay in Savasana and be okay. So they need
to move, but they also need to move in a way that will
clear out the hips and the jaw. Those are the two areas
that I target. I think the diaphragm is also part of that. So I
targeted those areas, like Lion’s Pose, opening and closing
the mouth. But also Warrior Poses, for obvious reasons.
And then when they do get to Savasana, to put weights on
the body. So there’s still the feeling of being wrapped and
comforted, but grounded. And sometimes they don’t like
that. Sometimes, you have to watch their skin, you need to
watch their face, you need to watch their hands, to see if
that made them more agitated. And if it did, you can take
the weights off.
And sometimes I’ll have them roll over into a sideline
position and then just put my hands on their back. A lot
of times at this point, they start crying. The other thing
that goes along with addiction is shame. This feeling that
you have to lie to everybody; so your life becomes a lie
and you become really good at it. When you’re deep in
a yoga practice, you feel in your body when you’re lying.
It just doesn’t feel good anymore. So in that way, I think
there’s nothing better than yoga for a recovering addict to
recover their sense of worth and embodiment.