when an Anglo-Saxon does it. But for
Italian rugby, just being a ‘potential
banana skin’ isn’t much of a role to
play for 20 years. Italy failed to qual-
ify for the Fifa World Cup, Serie A
isn’t that great, and there are no Ital-
ian drivers in Formula One.
Having modestly invested in
France for the Six Nations, Johnny
Sexton’s intergalactic dropped goal
deep into added time came as some-
thing of a knife to my heart. As the
ball went over, Sexton found himself
at the bottom of a football-style pile-
on as every Irish player jumped on
top of him. Whatever happened to the
traditional rugby way of celebrating a
score: a gentle jog back to the halfway
line with a modest smile at your team-
mates and a diffident thumbs up?
Ireland weren’t as good as some
people thought: tough and business-
like, certainly, but they should have
lost. Wales, on the other hand, were
miles better than expected: very
dynamic and exciting half-backs, and
a new back row. With Leigh Halfpen-
ny at the top of his game, the whole
team looked revitalised against a
Scottish team that had been tipped
to make the Welsh struggle. This Six
Nations could be anybody’s, and I am
looking forward to a couple of bril-
liant games. Maybe this weekend at
Twickenham, where England face the
Welsh. It couldn’t be more exciting.
The tsunami of outrage sweeping
British sport about F1 grid girls and‘I
t’s never easy going to Rome,’
observed Anthony Watson
after the traditional mauling of
a hard-working but outgunned Ital-
ian side at the weekend. Eh? Well
Watson is a brilliant winger (two tries
in ten minutes no less) and a thought-
ful and well-spoken credit to English
rugby. But a difficult trip, Anthony?
Sure the A23 to Gatwick can be pret-
ty hellish, valet parking is a tad pricey,
and security a nightmare. And don’t
get me started on Fiumicino Airport.
But all that said, Anthony, I don’t
think it’s never easy going to Rome.
And in the unlikely event you were
referring to the rugby: come off it.
England never fail to beat poor Italy.
Which is a great pity: at last, Italy
are going in the right direction under
Conor O’Shea. I would love to see
them beat a top team in a game that
matters: it’s a great shirt, a great
anthem and a fabulous country. It has
been the home of great individuals —
champion skiers like Alberto Tomba
and MotoGP winners like Valentino
Rossi. Italians doing well at sport
has a touch of magic that isn’t there
the like doesn’t seem to have crossed
the Atlantic, judging by the acreage of
flesh on show at a spellbinding Super
Bowl. It is difficult to have a view on
this without sounding like something
from the neolithic period but it is
hard to see quite what is wrong with
broads wearing very little to brighten
up sports events. Or vice versa. The
Times is currently running a series
of pictures of top athletes, entirely
naked, under the heading ‘My sport-
ing body’. Is that so different? Maybe
a lack of clothes and sports just go
together.
Meanwhile the Tour de France
is sticking with its podium girls, and
boxing with its card girls but, sadly,
not darts with its walk-on girls. Those
familiar with the golden age of Ally
Pally will remember the two Nicolas,
Cowell and Methven, both hugely
likeable people, who would walk the
darts guys on to the stage. That was
the moment where you got to judge
the players: were they gentlemen
enough to allow the walk-on girl to
take the steps up to the stage ahead
of them or did they thoughtlessly
barrel on up, with the walk-on girl in
their wake? This being darts, where
standards of behaviour and kindness
are high, most stood aside.
As the Winter Olympics get under
way, keep an eye open for the biath-
lon. When Putin marches into Esto-
nia, the more people who are good at
that stuff, the better.Q. I am at the age where parts of
the body start to go wrong, and
I have a minor but life-changing
issue. I am in the process of telling
my friends when I learn that one
of them has a much more serious
and life-threatening one. Should
I mention my own lesser problem
to him, and if so, how? I don’t
want to belittle his by seeming to
compare notes, but I suspect he
would wish to know.
— J.N., New Malden, SurreyA. Commiserate with your friend
about his own condition. Listen tothe details. Then give a short laugh
and ask, ‘By the way, do you find
it irritating or amusing when other
people say they are ill too, and
then describe some comparatively
minor condition?’ Tailor your next
words accordingly.Q. An old (in all senses) friend
has received a letter from his
secretary which says ‘I wish to
register a sexual harassment-
related complaint. I have worked
for you for nearly 30 years and
not once have you made a pass
or attempted even the tiniest
lunge.’ Initially, of course, he felt
this was a spoof, since he suspects
she may have a sense of humour,
but doubts have entered his mind.
How should he react?
— Name withheld, TisburyA. Is the boss theoretically free
to embark on a new romanticliaison? If so, he can be confident
that the secretary in question is
actually writing a genuine love
letter, disguised as a light-hearted
prank. Secretaries do fall in love
with their bosses and vice versa.
Presence makes the heart grow
fonder. If single, it would be hard
for her not to be in love with her
boss. If he would welcome further
intimacy, your friend should
write a reverse harassment letter
accusing her, in the age of sexual
equality, of not having made a
pass at him and asking her to put
this right immediately. If he has no
wish to become intimate, he must
pass her letter off as a great joke.Q. Recently my sister posted a
critical comment on a newspaper
website, in reply to a comment of
mine, having changed her usual
online name to do so. She tried
to disguise her style, but it is verydistinctive and I guessed it was
her. When I said so, however, she
sent me several long refutations,
which sounded genuinely hurt
and outraged. I am certain she did
write the post. There is no doubt
at all about this. I don’t wish to
give her a hard time about it; but
also don’t want her to think I
have been taken in by the denials.
— Name and address withheldA. Clearly your sister is jealous
and could not resist the chance
to criticise you under a cloak
of anonymity. When she denies
having written comments, she
believes it. After all, it wasn’t
her but the online persona she
was channelling who did it. You
should let sleeping dogs lie. She
has done you a favour in some
ways by alerting you to her
jealousy. You can now be more
compassionate towards her.Spectator Sport
This Six Nations
could be anyone’s
Roger Alton
Johnny
Sexton’s
intergalactic
dropped goal
deep into
added time
came as a knife
to my heartDEAR MARY YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED