2018-11-03 The Spectator

(Jacob Rumans) #1
spend a lot of time messaging and plotting
on the pro-EU Conservatives’ group. For
those who view themselves as being sensibly
in the middle on Brexit, there’s the BDG —
Brexit Delivery Group — led by Simon Hart.
This group is all about respecting each oth-
er’s opinions, so it is regarded as rather dry.
Not all groups are obsessed with Brexit.
The ‘PPS 2018’ group is made up of parlia-
mentary private secretaries, the MPs who
act as unpaid aides to ministers, or, as one
MP puts it, ‘desperate bag carriers asking for
help in debates’. There are also ‘2015’ and
‘2017’ MPs’ groups. Even the government
whips have one — WhipsApp (‘whips bitch-
ing about people and then procedural stuff’).
The smaller the group, the more interest-

ing the conversations. With leaks the norm,
MPs use the official groups to make pub-
lic statements, safe in the knowledge that
whatever they say will reach the press. When
Grant Shapps tried and failed to oust May,
MPs took to WhatsApp to denounce him
and then pretended to be shocked that their
comments were leaked. When Tory stal-
wart Christopher Chope blocked a bill on
upskirting, many of his colleagues were furi-
ous. It would be unbecoming to round on
him in public, but how to vent your anger in
time for the six o’clock news? The answer:
do it on WhatsApp. Journalists are always
delighted to receive a screenshot of a ‘pri-
vate’ Tory conversation.
But the Tories are so busy messaging
each other they have little time for plot-
ting. ‘I now get 50-80 WhatsApp messages a
day,’ one member of government complains.

Some of the most digitally verbose can even
forget who they are plotting with: the Euro-
sceptic MP Nadine Dorries is known for
posting messages meant for Brexiteers to
all Tories. There is a ‘delete for everyone’
function that allows users to retract quickly.
‘Nadine tends to use it a lot,’ says one MP.
The embarrassment can be more than
political. While on holiday, one male MP
accidentally posted a half-naked photo
of himself to all his Tory colleagues. Over
in the Labour MPs’ group, there was a
breach of etiquette when one parliamen-
tarian decided to inform his colleagues at
2 a.m. about an upcoming bill. The message
(announced with a ring) woke up a number
of MPs’ young children and prompted a vol-
ley of expletives in response.
The leaks have led to some MPs taking
drastic measures to keep their messages pri-
vate. Earlier this year, one group — which
includes a few ministers — switched over to
using Confide. A ‘military-grade encryption’
app, its self-destructing messaging system
means it is almost impossible to photograph
incriminating messages. But it is a bit fiddly
to use, so it has failed to catch on. A handful
of MPs have been trying out Telegram, which
is widely seen as the most secure of all the
messaging services. The trouble is it is also
Islamic State’s messaging service of choice,
so MPs worry it may not be quite on brand.
The general effect is that the various
warring factions become even more insular
and the space for collaboration narrower. ‘I
wouldn’t say WhatsApp is good for build-
ing relationships — or hanging out,’ admits
one Tory, who is tired of dining alone. ‘It’s
not what I expected when I got into politics.’
Labour rebels have been particularly
debilitated by WhatsApp. When their mes-
sages about a possible Corbyn coup kept
leaking they set up new smaller groups. Mod-
erates would use the cover of an MP’s birth-
day to plot under an innocuous- sounding
‘Birthday Club’ group. But fear of spies
led to the groups being so small that they
ended up with just a select few members,
who would then complain about how alone
they were. Realising that WhatsApp wasn’t
helping their cause, they organised an away-
weekend at a luxury Grade II-listed farm-
house complete with Aga.
Conservative MPs have not yet got to
this stage of desperation. But they might.
It’s harder to leak private information when
you’ve looked your co-conspirators in the
eye. It’s also easier to tell if you have some-
one’s trust from body language than from an
emoticon. Tory MPs still need somewhere
they can meet, talk, drink, vent, conspire and
even collaborate. Perhaps a tearoom, a bar or
a pub. Plotters who mean business may find
the old ways are still the best.

SPECTATOR.CO.UK/PODCAST
Katy Balls, Paul Staines, and Stewart Jackson
on the Tories and WhatsApp.

H


ow to explain Theresa May’s resil-
ience? As Prime Minister, she has
survived mishaps and calamities
that would have finished off her predeces-
sors. She has no shortage of rebels keen to
succeed or denounce her, but all seem oddly
unable to act. Why? The answer might lie
in a group messaging service which seems
to have disabled the ancient art of the Tory
coup: WhatsApp.
Tory backbenchers are so addicted to
this app that these days they cannot tear
themselves away from their screens. It gives
them the impression of being plugged into
each other’s lives, when the opposite is true.
Where MPs would once have met to scheme
and gossip, they now send bad-tempered
encrypted messages. WhatsApp allows MPs
to stay informed in their offices and bed-
rooms rather than in the Strangers’ Bar. The
result: no real-life relationships are created
and the plots rarely get further than people
typing words into their phones. It is the app
where rebellion goes to die.
Over the past two years, WhatsApp has
become a staple of the feuding Tory party.
Its initial popularity was down to the fact
that, unlike email, it is immune to Freedom
of Information requests. That’s not to say
it doesn’t leak. MPs can (and do) take pic-
tures of what other colleagues say and pass
them on to the media. Barely a week goes by
without some MPs’ WhatsApp ‘exchange’
making its way into the news.
At first, all 315 Tory MPs contacted each
other on an ‘official’ Conservative MPs’
group. But they have splintered into sub-
groups, which are often at war with each other.
The most prolific is the arch- Eurosceptics’
group run by the European Research Group
(ERG). Its messages tend to be dominated
by instructions from Steve Baker, a former
Brexit minister, on how to vote tactically to
disrupt whatever No. 10 plans. There are reg-
ular snipes about the anodyne conversations
in the official group, as well as occasional
outbursts from impatient members calling
for the PM to go — but this never goes any-
where. Iain Duncan Smith uses the group
to share links to articles he has written.
At the other end of the political spec-
trum are the arch-Tory Remainers Domi-
nic Grieve and Antoinette Sandbach, who

Losing the plot


MPs now do all their conspiring on WhatsApp – and get nowhere


KATY BALLS


Telegram is also Islamic State’s
messaging service of choice, so MPs
worry it may not be quite on brand

‘The cat’s playing Brexit again...’
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