home. At least I have a new kitchen
and two new bathrooms.
Sure, they may pitch in by doing
chores, but it’s not an equal share.
They make messes that aren’t com-
pletely eradicated even after they’ve
‘tidied up’.
And what do I get in return?
Every day I’m priv y to what’s new
and exciting or old and boring in
their lives. I get to regularly meet
and talk with their friends. I learn
the latest tricks and tips for Twit-
ter and Instagram because I re-
ceive on-demand tutorials. I get
an opportunity to understand and
connect with my young adult chil-
dren and their friends because, if I
listen, I will hear what’s important
to them, what they care about. I get
the chance to discuss and debate
the things that matter to them and
pontificate occasionally (OK, regu-
larly) on what’s important to me.
I don’t know everything about my
kids’ lives and I don’t want to. We
give them their space and they give
us ours.
A neighbour of ours with very
young children recently exclaimed
that it must be absolutely awesome
to have your 20-something children
still want to be a part of your life and
have you be a part of theirs.
I replied that it was indeed
absolutely awesome – just don’t tell
them.The penny finally dropped one
night when I tried to provide some
fatherly advice to my 25-year-old
daughter. With her strapping brother
in tow for protection, she was about
to meet an unknown young man to
recover her smartphone lost the night
before at a downtown club. I suggest-
ed that a $20 coffee gift card would be
a nice way to say thank you.
She replied, “Dad, are you kidding!
That’s something an adult would do.”
I was stunned. I thought 25 year
oldswere adults. Had I missed a
memo? It was then that I realised
that she and her siblings are suffering
from a rather staunch refusal to grow
up. Most of their friends are aff lict-
ed by the same condition. If 60 is the
new 40, then I guess 30 is the new ten!
When did the natural order of things
become living with your parents until
they retire and downsize? Sometimes
I think Cheryl and I are going to have
to move out and leave them behind
instead of the other way around.
AND SO HERE WE ARE,one year after
the terribly disruptive reno and all of
our adult children are still living at
READER’S DIGEST
FROMTHE GLOBE AND MAIL(AUGUST 22, 2018) ©2018
HOWARD GASKIN. THEGLOBEANDMAIL.COMI THINK MY WIFE
AND I ARE GOING TO
HAVE TO MOVE OUT
INSTEAD OF THE
OTHER WAY AROUND84 Augus t 2019