Handling difficult conversations
Whenever you are bracing yourself to prepare
for difficult conversations, it’s a good idea to
keep these few key guidelines for handling them,
in mind:Listen with an open mind
Which also means being open to listening to the
other’s story without agreeing or disagreeing.
Being able to speak and listen from a place
of poise is essential to dealing with difficult
conversations. Listen, not just to what is being
said but also to what is being left unsaid—the
emotions behind the words, the fears or hurts,
the needs the person is unable to state and the
vulnerability the person is perhaps unable to
express.
Advait Dixit, an established Performance
Consultant, shares a candid story of how, during
a training programme, he used an expletive
which did not go down well with the participants
and they complained about it to the HR Lead,
Sheila (name changed). In conversation with
Sheila-which was a difficult conversation-
Advait remembers that he remained curious
and listened deeply. What he picked up were
the feelings of anger and betrayal, since Sheila
had introduced Advait to the organisation. As
he continued to listen, he realised that her
approach to him altered when he didn’t defend
or justify himself. The only ‘action’ he was taking
was that of emotional discipline, which was
holding on to his triggers and continuing to listen
with genuine curiosity. The conversation flowed
through three stages:- Expression of anger by Sheila. Advait’s inner
dialogue, “It is about me.” - Sharing her anxiety about this incident from
the organisation’s point of view. Advait’s
inner dialogue, “It is about the situation.” - Sharing her anxieties in life. Advait’s deeper
realisation, “My situation is part of the larger
context of her anxieties as well.”
By the end of the conversation, they were
sharing personal contexts as well and
Many of our repressed issues arise out of our
inability to express ourselves effectively to
people who matter, without rocking the boat.
78 LifePositive | FEBRUARY 2018^