Cosmopolitan ^ DECEMBER 2016 ^161
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love lust
“what’s a
cool way to
say, ‘be my
Fwb?’”Q/ i started dating
this guy nine months
ago, and he’s great,
but i have trust
issues. eight months
ago, i looked back
at his old texts when
he lent me his old
phone, and he’d
told an ex that he
cheated on her twice
and even told her the
girls’ names. i never
told him i snooped
through his texts, but
when i asked if he’d
ever cheated, he
said he hadn’t. that
worries me. Do you
think i should
trust him?a/ His lie
seems pretty
understandable.
If you just started
dating someone you
really liked, would
you admit that you’ve
cheated before? Or
would you try to
put it in your past
and be better going
forward? So long
as this isn’t part of
a bigger pattern,
I wouldn’t worry.
But if you can’t stop
thinking about it, tell
him your secret–that
you snooped –then
ask about the secret
he kept from you.Q/ i’m never one to
deny guys’ nights,
but it feels like
my bF only sees
me as a second
option when the
night is over, as if
i’m just a hookup.
can i get him to
rearrange his social
life without getting
called a “clingy”
girlfriend?
a/ If he’s only calling
you after a night
with the boys, is
the problem really
that you don’t see
enough of him or is
it that he’s a crappy
boyfriend? If you
want to see him
during the day, don’t
just wait for his call
and don’t pick up at
midnight. Ask him to
brunch or dinner. If
he says no, find a guy
who’ll say yes.Q/ my boyfriend
and i have been
together for more
than four years.
but every time i
bring up getting
married and having
kids, he shuts
down the subject.
is there any way
to get him to come
around?a/ Tell him, “I’ve
loved you for four
years. You know
what I want. We
can’t avoid this
conversation any
longer. I need to
know what kind of
future you want with
me.” Be clear that you
love him—but that at
this point, you also
need some real talk
about your future...
or your relationship
won’t have one.Q / i’m preg-
nant with my
horrible eX’s
baby (like
restraining
orDer horri-
ble), anD i uneX-
pecteDly met an
amazing guy.
he knows what
went Down
with my eX anD
is still inter-
esteD in me.
but i’m con-
cerneD. it’D be
so easy For him
to bolt. how
Do i navigate
my new bae anD
my baby?a/ He’s a grown
man, so if he’s
choosing to be with
you and take on this
extra responsibility,
let him. I’m sure
you’re tempted
to pull back to
protect yourself,
but you deserve
his love. Practically
speaking, the best
way to avoid scaring
him off is to avoid
surprises. As much
as possible, set
specific parenting
expectations so he
knows what’s up.Q/ i broke up with
my college ex for
a number of
frustrating things
(smoking, drinking,
lack of cleanliness,
etc.). we’ve been
apart for two years,
and i recently let him
stay with me when
he visited my city
for job interviews.
we’ve both dated
other people since,
but having him
here was confusing.
he seems to have
taken the breakup
to heart, changing
all his “faults” that i
gave as reasons we
couldn’t be together.
we still care for each
other. is it better to
stay broken up, or do
we give it a second
chance when he’s
back here for good,
since all my reasons
are now obsolete?a/ All you really know
is that he talks a good
game. Maybe he wasn’t
drinking because he
had a job interview the
next day. Maybe he’s
a better short-term
houseguest than a
long-term boyfriend.
The point is, you
haven’t spent enough
time with him to know
if he’s really changed.
Don’t get back together
right away. Get to know
him again. Gather
more intel before you
decide to give him
another shot.Hill is a contributing
writer for Cosmopolitan
and Cosmopolitan.com.