MAN TO MAN
(^) PHOTO
123RF
NEIL HUMPHREYS SHARES SOME EXCUSES YOU CAN GIVE TO
YOUR SUPERVISOR WHEN YOU REALISE IT’S NOT A WEEKEND.
12 Things To Say To
Your Boss When
You’re Late For Work
Y
You’re so late, and you
can’t do anything about it.
Not even the fastest Uber
driver in Singapore who
has nitro-boost installed
in his Ferrari can save you
from the wrath of your
boss. You’re still reaching
work 45 minutes after the
important meeting you
were supposed to be in.
So what’s the first (and
probably last) words you
should say when you find
him at the pantry? Neil
Humphreys has got 12 lines
you’d die trying.
(^1) “My God! You’re a
handsome man, aren’t you?”
(^2) “There were some
unexpected bowel
movements this morning,
which I’m happy to discuss
with you in further detail.”
(^3) “I didn’t leave enough
time to factor in delays on
the Circle Line. I only left for
work yesterday.”
(^4) “I walked to work after I
ordered an Uber and the
driver turned out to be
another student... in lower
secondary.”
(^5) “Is that a new dress? It
really suits you, sir.”
(^6) “I bumped into the
company CEO in the lift
lobby and he asked for my
thoughts on your man-
management.”
(^7) “My wife had a delicate
women’s issue this morning.
She realised she wanted to
divorce her husband.”
(^8) “I had to be at school
by 7.15am. I know I don’t
actually have any kids, and
there shouldn’t be anymore
problems, thanks to the
restraining order.”
(^9) “I was up all night
writing this love letter to
you. Can I read it out loud?”
(^10) “I would’ve arrived on
time, but I had car trouble...
I don’t have one because
the wages here are crap.”
(^11) “Shall I start the brown-
nosing now or after lunch?”
(^12) “The thing is, Boss, I
wanted to set off at a
slightly different time to
avoid all those congestion
and parking charges. So I
set off in 1974.”
48 JUNE 2017 MENSHEALTH.COM.SG