I ask them, “Can you hang with that? Are you mature enough to do
that, or do I need to go to the higher grade and get somebody more
mature?”
Always they answer, “No, we can do it. We can do it.”
I continually remind the mentors to keep a businesslike atmo-
sphere for their own health. Generally, in mentoring programs where
children have unrestrained access to adults, the mentors burn out and
will not mentor again. The interesting thing about TALKS is that we
don’t lose mentors to burnout. I strongly discourage “minimum”
mentors from spending more than the thirty minutes per week of
contact time with the children. Many of them think they can do more,
but the truth is, they do not have the emotional reserves or the energy.
Women, especially, tend to want to get more involved, but the TALKS
approach was designed for soft-level mentoring. If a mentor has to
quit, we put another mentor in his place. If a child moves or drops out,
we put another child in the group. It’s like business.
Strategy 2: One Adult Mentoring Three Children
The TALKS approach also uses a one-adult-with-three-children
model for mentoring. There are some advantages to having one adult
meet with three children.
First, it provides a way to multiply the effort. It is too late in our
society to get the job done with only one-on-one mentoring. Too
many children need our help and too many adults are hiding behind
their busy schedules and not dealing with the issue. Second, one adult
meeting with three children creates a group dynamic for interaction.
We try to place a variety of personalities in the group, such as one won-
derful child, one who is challenging, and one who is in the middle.
They may have different academic or social abilities and cultural or
racial backgrounds.
This approach discourages manipulation and unhealthy bond-
ing. For example, many mentors who mentor a child one-on-one get
manipulated by the child. A streetwise kid can manipulate an adult if
the mentor is not a trained educator, psychologist, or seasoned par-
ent. It is more difficult for one boy or girl to get away with manipu-
168 BUILDINGSTRONGFAMILIES