lation when two others are present. Likewise, when a mentor meets
with three mentees, no one child can expect all of the attention. Most
men are “maxed out” already with family, job, and other responsibil-
ities. When they spend time with a boy, the boy may latch on, seeing
the mentor as a “daddy-replacement.” This can frighten men and
cause them to shy away from mentoring, since this goes beyond the
boundaries of “soft-level” mentoring. But in a mentoring cell of three
boys, they look around the table and see that the mentor can’t be
everyone’s daddy, and they do not burden the mentor with unrealis-
tic expectations.
There is also a sifting or screening process in the one-with-three
model. If I give you just one mentee, maybe your personalities will
click right away and you will get off to a great start. But there is the
chance that you will spend a great deal of time just establishing rap-
port with the young person only to find that your personalities do not
match too well, or that the child is not able to receive what you are
offering. With three mentees, the odds increase that your mentoring
experience will begin well and remain positive. In a group where one
child is very eager to see you, one is more neutral, and one is harder
to reach, your positive outlook combined with the positive child and
the child who could go either way will put positive peer pressure on
the third child to be a key part of the group.
In my own mentoring cell, I met with the same three boys when
they were in third grade, fourth grade, and fifth grade. When they
went to three different middle schools, the group had to split up, so I
chose the boy that I felt I would benefit the most and have the most
influence on and created a new mentoring cell with him and two other
boys at his new school.
In my city we have mentors at all levels—elementary school, mid-
dle school, and high school. I prefer to begin mentors with kids in ele-
mentary school and have them follow the kids through each grade
level. Every school has a different personality, a different flavor.
Elementary schools are often more flexible and willing to accommo-
date mentors’ schedules. In middle school the students adhere to a
stricter schedule and mentors may come only during certain periods.
The TALKS Mentoring Curriculum and Approach 169