CHAPTER 6: MINDFULNESS ON THE CUSHION • 131http://www.insighttimer.com)) has a guided meditation titled, “Soften, Soothe, Allow,” read by
Dr. Neff. I recommend it to nearly all my patients who struggle with emotion regulation. The
Soften, Soothe, Allow Meditation begins with labeling the emotion (Germer & Neff, 2013). Dr.
Neff asks you to recall a mild to moderately difficult situation that you are experiencing right
now and to visualize the emotion. Next, she asks if you can name the strongest emotion associ-
ated with the situation (e.g., longing, grief, anger, betrayal). She then asks you to work toward
mindfulness of the emotion in the body. This process begins with an awareness of the body as a
whole and then the location of the spot in the body where the emotion is expressing itself most
strongly.
Once the emotion is located, Dr. Neff asks you to soften into the location of the emotion
in your body. She asks you to let your body be soft without demanding that it become soft.
She asks you to gently let go of any gripping or holding around the edges of the emotions.
Next, she requests that you soften your body around the edges of the emotion and use a
loving awareness of how the emotion feels in your body. Once you have softened the edges,
she asks you to soothe yourself by placing a hand on your heart and acknowledging to
yourself how painful the feeling is and to repeat the word, “soothe .... soothe .... soothe.”
Last, Dr. Neff asks you to allow discomfort to be in the spot of the emotion. She asks
you to notice discomfort and to let it come and go as it may. As you do this, she asks you to
repeat, “allow .... allow .... allow.” Next, Dr. Neff suggests that you use all three words as a
mantra, “soften .... soothe .... allow.” And remember: If you feel too much discomfort, stay
with your breath until you feel better. Ultimately, the goal is not to get rid of the emotion.
Rather, the goal is to be with the emotion with a sense of ease. This meditation is especially
useful with adolescents and young adults who often experience intense and sometimes
painful emotions. This meditation is the essence of principle 5 (see Chapter 3), I feel my
emotions in order to grow and learn.
TIPS FOR PRACTICE AT HOME FOR STUDENTS
Mindfulness practices are a set of tools for self-regulation and stress management. To cre-
ate access to these tools, there are a few things you can do as an educator: Offer tips for
home as you practice in class, use broad and general recommendations, and be secular
(Rechtschaffen, 2014).
First, what you model in school and in the classroom will give students a good sense
of how to practice at home. Each time you engage in a classroom, or school-based, prac-
tice, it can be helpful to add, “And when you do this at home you can. ...” An open
suggestion—that is, consider trying this at home—serves as a friendly invitation rather
than a requirement. In this way, a home practice can evolve organically from intrinsic
interest.
Next, keeping it broad and general is important (Cook-Cottone et al., 2013). Because
families have varied resources and family routines and rules, it is important to keep home
practice tips general enough to be assimilated into each student’s home life. To illustrate,
Shana, a second grade student, lives in a small apartment with her three siblings and her
mom. There is no place that she can set up a meditation room, or even a meditation space.
She does have her favorite quiet spot at the foot of her bed where she sometimes does home-
work or plays board games with friends. For her, a more general suggestion to find your
favorite spot works. Essentially, students can practice meditation anywhere. It can be helpful