SET A GOAL. Coming up with a
party mission beforehand can
help you feel less overwhelmed,
says Vanessa Van Edwards, author
of Captivate: The Science of Suc-
ceeding with People. “It doesn’t
have to be ‘Meet the love of my
life.’ It could be ‘Speak to two new
people’ or ‘See who I recognize
from last year’s event and go over
and say hello.’ ” Alkon keeps cool
by imagining a party as a human
safari. “The point is not to stay in
your jeep,” she says. “Be curious.
Go out and meet the new crea-
tures.” When you’ve accomplished
your goal, you have permission to
leave without guilt.
ENLIST THE HOST. “Hosts used to
make meaningful introductions as
a matter of course, but now you
have to ask,” says Alkon. “Say, ‘I’m
excited to be here! I don’t know
anyone yet. Who should I be sure
to meet?’ ” Stay in the host’s line
of sight throughout the evening so
they can easily connect you with
the fellow tuba player who just
arrived. You can also offer to help
keep the party running, suggests
Morra Aarons-Mele, author of
Hiding in the Bathroom: How to
Get Out There When You’d Rather
Stay Home. Refill the cooler, hang
up coats. “When you have a job,
it gets you focusing on something
besides your own nerves,” she
says. And you get to look busy
while you scan the scene for
friendly faces.
STAND IN THE SWEET SPOT.
“The best place to position your-
self to mingle is right at the exit of
the drinks area,” says Van Edwards.
Guests get their drinks and turn
around to face a big room. “You
will seem like a social savior.”
(A natural opener here: “How’s
the punch?”)
SEEK OUT THE GOLDENDOODLE.
“Honestly, recharging your batter-
ies by playing with the host’s pet
for a few minutes is awesome for
some people,” says Aarons-Mele.
“Finding a small child to chat with
can be replenishing too.”
You’re invited to a holiday
open house where you only
know the host.
You’re an adult, yes. You know
how to speak, sure. But walking
into a room full of strangers (who
of course seem to be having a
great, easy time) can make your
social skills suddenly disappear.
AHHH, THE HOLIDAYS! Time to
gather and make merry with your
nearest and dearest. But also with
your boss’s boss, opinionated rela-
tives, and sugared-up children.
Amid its joys, the season’s social
whirl can bring lots of social
anxiety, not the least of which is
the all-too-common concern that
everyone is judging us. “We fear
that our weaknesses—in social
skills, appearance, personality—
will be obvious and that others
will think less of us,” says Ellen
Hendriksen, PhD, a clinical psy-
chologist at Boston University’s
Center for Anxiety and Related
Disorders and the author of How
to Be Yourself.
The solution to this seasonal
stress is not, alas, to find the clos-
est dark corner and grab your
phone for some self-soothing
scrolling. It’s to remember that
people are probably not worrying
about you. (“They are probably
thinking, ‘I hope they have those
little canapés with prosciutto,’ ”
says Amy Alkon, a science-based
manners expert and the author of
Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Liv-
ing with Guts and Confidence.)
Then pull out these expert-backed
tools if you need them.
GETTY IM
AGES
68 REAL SIMPLE NOVEMBER 2019
RELATING
