20 BUDDHADHARMA: THE PRACTITIONER'S QUARTERLY
CAITRIONA REED: My practice of the dharma
taught me that the story we tell about
our identity is just that—a story. These
days, I introduce myself as “a woman
of transgendered experience,” and add
that as such I’ve learned about big scary
choices, vulnerability, and committed
decisions. I had been busy hiding and
shaming myself for half a lifetime when I
eventually “transitioned.”
My experience is that of a transgen-
dered woman in a society that is not
always sympathetic or understanding,
especially twenty-five years ago when I
first came out—although, to my surprise,
the world was kind to me. Most of my
peers in the Vipassana and Zen teacher
communities accepted me with grace.
The reaction of Asian Buddhists, both
monastics and laypeople, was almost
universally effusive and warm. When I
mentioned as much to my friend Ruth
Denison, she said, “Of course, daaal-
ing, the dhamma is protecting you!”
My identity now, as much as I dare, is
not as a woman, nor man, nor Buddhist,
nor this, nor that, nor other. I trust that
the dharma supports me to keep com-
ing out, to continue dismantling identity.
(There are a few Mahayana sutras that
give some fairly specific clues on how to
do this. Ha!)
So perhaps I’m not the person to
ask about moving past the stories that
reinforce the binary identities aroundCaitriona Reed is a teacher of Thien Buddhism and
Vipassana as well as a cofounder of Manzanita Village,
a retreat center in southern Californiagender—or, for that matter, around race,
culture, ableism, or sexuality. But I’ll say
this: you start by welcoming yourself
as you are, and in so doing hopefully
become welcoming to others who might
otherwise feel excluded. You welcome
their pain, grief, and anger, and whatever
else they have learned in order to feel
safe in a culture that is polarized and
violent. You recognize that even in circles
(including Buddhist ones) where kind but
uninformed people bend over backward
trying to be inclusive, things can feel
no less violent and alienating than they
might anywhere else.
Meditation alone cannot solve all ills.
Particularly in the West, we still tend
to conflate the dharma with meditation
practice. Meditation sweetens the poison
of the violence of the world, but it doesn’t
necessarily provide any lasting antidote.
Moving past the defining binaries of sex-
ism, heterocentrism, and racism requires
more than personal transcendence. There
is an implicit call to action, to unlearn the
complacency of privilege, to bear witness
to the demons of fear that defend the
stories we’ve used to maintain the uni-
verse as we imagined it. My answer to the
question is that we all need to take steps
to move out of our comfort zones, check
our biases, practice deep empathy—real
listening—and leave the meditation hall
to actually learn from those who are dif-
ferent from ourselves. STARLAFORTUNATO