Happiful – September 2019

34 • happiful • September 2019

Ask the experts

SELF-DOUBT

CONFIDENCE

Ben Bidwell, life coach, personal trainer, speaker, NLP practitioner,

and co-host of ‘The Naked Professors’ podcast, answers your

questions on self-esteem

I was bullied throughout my

childhood. I’ve moved on,

but whenever I’m stressed or

under pressure at work, I fall back into

those feelings of doubt, self-hate, and

worthlessness. How can I get past this?

Q

A

The role of our mind is to keep us safe.

When those feelings of doubt, self-hate and

worthlessness come up, understand that our mind is

simply trying to keep us safe. Your freedom will come

when you acknowledge what your mind is trying to

do, but explain to it that you are safe, and are not

under threat. Your goal is to counteract the negative

self-talk with words of resilience, strength, and of

how much you’ve grown since this experience.

Discover more about

Ben and coaching at

lifecoach-directory.org.uk

I’m worried about

a friend. More and

more often she

is avoiding coming out

with us or not joining in

conversations. I know she

thinks she’s not interesting,

but I’m worried she is going

to push everyone away.

What can I do to help?

Q

A

Find a way to get time with her,

give her space to talk to you, and

ask open questions that invite her to

explain more about how she is feeling.

Be compassionate and empathetic

with her, let her know you understand,

that you are there for her, and that you

are not judging her.

Be patient, kind, and curious;you are

interested and she is interesting. From

there, see if you can get to the bottom

of her challenges, and reassure her

that you understand. Build her trust

and help to rebuild her confidence.

Look to do small things with her where

she feels comfortable, and slowly build

on that.

“Build her trust and

help to rebuild her

confidence”