b
rooke and Lee, both in their mid-thirties, had lived together in New York City for a year.
She’s a ver y creative pile person and he’s a neatnik. Soon after getting engaged, Lee made one
of his usual teasing remarks, only this time Brooke felt criticized for her messes and was
hurt and angr y. Nothing had materially changed between them except that Brooke had a ring
on her finger, but suddenly she thought she should be a domestic goddess and that they
should be suddenly ... perfect. She didn’t realize it at the time, but Brooke had bought into the
my th of the Instant Fiancé Upgrade.
Along with the joy and euphoria, getting engaged can generate a host of hidden expectations
about what you should do and have and how you should look and act—for the bride-to-be in
particular. And these can get you into trouble, because your beloved doesn’t know that you have a
new set of standards for yourself and for him. He’s likely to disappoint you, hurt your feelings,
or feel blindsided. Why doesn’t he automatically know what’s expected of him? Is it because he’sPatience! Don’t
expect a sneaker
guy to up his
game overnight.Kicking off our six-part series and prepping you for the next phase of your life,
couples coach Alison A. Armstrong explains why we expect the relationship to be
perfect after a guy proposes, and how you can avoid that trap
the myth of the instant
fiance upgrade
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