Woman’s Day New Zealand – August 26, 2019

Advice

G etadvice from fast-talkingRova and More FMstarPolly Gillespie

B

eingonhold

is torture.It’s

basicallywhatI

thinkhellis.You

gotoheavenand

all your petswhohave

passed onarethereandyou

can’t gain weight(unless

you’re terriblythinandthen

you can beascurvyasyou

want). Buthellis sittingin

your car onholdtoa service

provider forever.

This week,I madeanodd

discovery. I’msharingmy

new phonenumberwith

some randomman,andhe

must be asconfusedasme.

I first discoveredit whenI

went on toMessengerand

was told mynumberwas

already beingusedbyMr

Lalalala.

I was bothweirdedout

and slightlydisturbedhe’d

been privytomybitchy

friend messagesabout

someone, seenpicturesof

my face aftera facial,aswell

as several saucypictures

and a loadofmoaningabout

lack of housecleaningwith

my children.

Back in theoldendays,we

had “partylines”youshared

with all yourneighbours,

and you onlypickedupthe

receiver whenit wasyour

particular ring.Thatmust

have been theneighbourhood

gossip’s dreamcometrue!

Well, it seemedI nowhad

a party line.

I phonedmyservice

provider andwasaskedto

hold. AfterhearingCrowded

House’s “FourSeasonsin

One Day” severaltimesand

Bic Runga’s“Something

Good” at leasta dozenmore,

I finally gota manina

distant landwhocalledme

everythingthatrhymedwith

“Polly” – Collie,Dolly,Bolly,

RollyandTolly– before

finallysettlingonPolly.

Afterbeingtoldtohold

again,hesaid,“I’msorry

mam,thisis notyour

phone.”

“Yes,it is,”I insisted

politely.“I amonit!”

“Yes,youareonit,butit’s

notyourphone,”hereplied,

althoughit wasveryhardto

hearandunderstandhim.

Hewasclearlyina room

witha lotofotherpeople

fieldingrandom,“WhyamI

ona partyline”questions.

“It’smyphoneandmy

phonenumber!”I yelled.Yes,

I didyell.

“Onemoment,please

Dollymam,”hesaidandput

meonhold.

“Somethinggoodwill

comeourway... ’ continued

BicRunga.

“HelloMam?”hesaid.

“Yes?”I hissed.

“Thisis notyourphone

andyouarenotthe

authorisedpersontobe...”

I cuthimoff.

I stilldon’tknowwho

I’msharingmyphonewith,

butmoreimportantly,I want

tobeg,nayplead,perhaps

demandthatourKiwiartists

pleasenotallowthemselves

andtheirwonderfultalents

tobeassociatedwithany

NewZealander’slivinghell.

PleaseNeil,Bicand

Goldenhorse,youhaveto

saynofortheloveofGod!

Oh,andif someone

suddenlychangesyourvoice-

mailpasscodeandyou

knowit wasn’tyou?Well,

you’reprobablygoingtobe

ona partylinefortherest

ofyourlife.Arggghh!!

PICTURE: GETTY IMAGES.

Q

Ourteenagedaughter

hasdecidedshewants

togovegan.I reallydon’t

wanttocooktwodifferent

dinners,butI wanttomake

suresheeatsproperlyas

sheis only16.Whatshould

I do?

●PickyEater,Auckland

A

Oh,sweetbabycheeses.

Goodluck.Mysondated

a beautifulgirlwhowasalso

a vegan.AllI couldfindatthe

supermarketforhertoeat

were“monkeypuffs”and

falafelbites.If youbecome

vegan,thenyougetthe

responsibilityofpreparing

yourownfood.That’spart

ofthedeal,baby!

Q

Mydadremarriedand

nowhasa youngfamily

withhissecondwife.I am

anadultbutfindit hard

becauseI feellikeI have

lostmyfather.I don’tget

onwellwithhiswifeand

I gettheideashewould

preferI wasn’taround.

AmI beingsillytobea bit

sadaboutthis?

●DaughterDearest,viaemail

A

I thinkyouarebeinga

weebitofa princess.Your

dadlovesyouwithallhis

heart.Healsoloveshisother

kidsandit’snotlikea piethat

canonlybecutintoa certain

numberofpieces.A father’s

lovejustgetsbiggerand

biggerandbigger!Bekind.

Trytogetalongwithhis

wifebecausethat’sa beautiful

giftyoucangiveyourdad,

andbeavailableforhisother

children.Themorekindness

andloveyoucastout,slowly

butsurelythemoreyou’ll

getbackinreturn!

Questions

for Polly?

Write to

wday [email protected] or

Wo man’s Day, Private Bag 92512,

WellesleyStreet, Auckland.

ASK POLLY

Pollyism of the week

Woman’s Day 69