THEWINNINGLETTERRECEIVESR300.

Lettersshouldbeabout 100 words.WritetousatPOBox653284,Benmore2010,emailus

atletters@drum.co.zaorSMSshortlettersto36489.StartwiththewordDRUMLETTERS.

EachSMScostsR1.

SURVIVINGABUSE

I canimaginetheagonytheyoung

womanwasgoingthroughwhenshe

sharedherpainofbeingraped(The

powerofwords, 18 July).

I amalsoa survivorofchildhood

sexualabuse.I wasrapedbymystep­

fatherseveraltimesa weekfromtheage

ofsevenuntil11.Theemotionaldamage

ofrapeis irreparable.

Ifsomeoneisrapedasa youth,that

personistaughtthatthey’rea sexual

objectandtheyoftenfindthemselves

beingabusedagainandagain.

Ifa personisrapedasanadultthey

mayfindthatif theytrytoseekrecourse

they’llgetnone.

JUSTASKSISDOLLY

I

F THERE’S one woman who

knowshowtotalkaboutmatters

oftheheart,it’sourdearSisDolly.

Sheinspires,she’sfirm,shegives

hope, she offers advice and

somuchmoreineveryissueof

DRUM.

Andnowshe’stakenita step

furtherbyspeakingatourincrea­

singlypopularDRUMLiveevents.

SisDollywasatourmostrecent

one,whichwasheldinPretoria(see

moreonpage76).

Andtherewerea fewheatedmo­

mentsasrelationshipissuestook

centrestageandattendeescouldask

hera fewquestions.

Shewill,ofcourse,beatthenext

eventtoosoif you’reintheEastern

Capeyoudon’twanttomissit!

SisDollywillbetherealongwith

otherexpertsintheareasoffinance,

foodandwine,amongotherthings.

Seeyouthere!

Untilnextweek,

THEDRUMTEAM

Itseemstheonlywaytodealwitha

rapististosuethemandthentheycan

berevealedasa rapisttotheworld.

JUBASEASEMAHLE,JOHANNESBURG

BEAGOODSTEPFATHER

It takesa manwitha goodhearttoraise

a stepchildwiththesamelovehe’dgive

hisbiologicalchild.Yetit’sshockingthat

somemenstarttodevelopsexualdesires

towardstheirstepdaughters.

Whenthegirlsreportabusetothe

mothers,it’ssometimestakenlightly

becausethestepfatheris a breadwinner.

Tobea goodstepfatheryouneedto

seeyourstepchildasyourbiological

childandtreatthemassuch.Agood

manwillnevermakesexualadvances

towardsa child.A manofintegrityis the

onewhoteachesrespectbyrespecting

everyone,includingchildren.

Bea goodfather.

JAMESMKUBU,EMAIL

LOBOLAISN’TOWNERSHIP

I wasatthepolicestationtocertifysome

documentswhenI overhearda woman

layingdomesticviolencecharges.

Shesaid,“Myboyfriendisbeatingme

upbuthehasn’tpaidlobolaforme.”

Sheseemedtothinkitwouldhave

beenfineforhertobesubjectedtoabuse

iflobolahadbeenpaid.

Doesshethinkshe’sanitemthatcan

beboughtandusedorabused?What

happenedtoself­worth?

Thekindofmentalitythatmakes

womenthinkit’sokaytobedisrespected

andtreatedliketrashbytheirhusbands

needstoberootedout.

Nomanhasa righttobeata woman,

regardlessofhowmuchlobolahasbeen

paid.

NELSONKHUMALO,TEMBISA

RIP,MARKBATCHELOR

CrimeisoutofcontrolinSouthAfrica.

Itdoesn’tseeraceorclass,andit even

claimsthelivesofourbelovedcelebrities.

Wemustputourhousesinorder.

TherecentmurderofMarkBatchelor

is a blowtothenationandsoccerfansin

particular.

I willalwaysrememberthegreatgoals

hescored.Thegamethatstandsoutis

theonewhenheandMarksMaponyane,

playingforOrlandoPirates,destroyed

KaizerChiefsatFNBStadium.

Hewasa greatplayerindeed,andwe

willmisshim.

CARLTONDLAMINI,POLOKWANE

CHOICES,CHOICES

Lifeisaninfiniteseriesofchoices.Most

decisionsaresmall,butit’sthebigdeci­

sions– theonesthatcanchangeyourlife

forever– thataretoughtomake.

Somanypeoplecanbeaffectedbyone

individual’schoice.

Eachpersonhastherighttomake

decisionsabouthowtheylivetheirlife. 

Eachpersonhasdifferentideasabout

whatis importantandwhatmakesthem

feelbest.

Makingyourownchoicesaboutthe

thingsyoudoisimportantbecauseit

givesyourlifemeaning.

ZWANETIEHO,PRETORIA

EMBRACEHAPPINESS

Happinesshasbecomeelusivethese

days.Thisisbecauseweexpectother

peopletomakeushappyandtheyoften

disappointus.

Wemustlearntobethemastersofour

ownhappiness.

There’sverylittlewecandotochange

thepeoplearoundusandourobsession

withotherpeople’sattitudestowardsus

I

WAStoldlong-distancerelationships

neverwork,buteverydaythere’sjustone

namethatcomesintomymind–thatofmy

partner,whoseworkkeepshimfaraway

fromme.

We’refarapartbutwestilllaughatthesame

jokes,tageachotherinpostsandshareoursad

andhappymoments.

I hateitwhenmyphonebeepsandit’snothim.

I havelearntthatit’snotthedistancethattears

peopleapart,it’sthechoices

theymakethatkilltherela-

tionship.

Ifanything,thedistancehasmadeourlove

strongerandmoremeaningful.Along-distance

relationshipmakesyourealisethetrueworth

ofyourbond.

I knowourlovewillagelikefineredwine.

Lovetravelsasfarasyouletit.

DINEOMAKALA,RIAMARPARK

LONG-DISTANCELOVE

Wewouldlovetohearyourthoughts

onmattersclosetoyourheartor

[email protected]

whatyouthinkofthearticlesinthisissue.

LETTER

OF THE

WEEK

4 | 8 AUGUST 2019 http://www.drum.co.za

ED'S NOTE