ParentsWorld – July 2019

D

ivorce can be heart-breaking for a couple, but it
can hit your children even harder. While par-
ents going through divorce spend most of their
time sorting out their own feelings of hurt, rejection and
bitterness, children who bear witness to arguments and
recriminations have to suffer their own challenges. Marital
discord at home could interfere with their academic work
and social life, especially if they are adolescents who are
conscious of their image and standing in society.
Although there’s less stigma of divorce these days,
children, especially young ones, almost never believe that it
is as good an idea as parents who seek it, believe. Children
love the family life and invariably feel anxious and insecure
when parents break up. In such a circumstance, it’s impor-
tant to give them time to adjust to the new situation and
also perhaps to let-off steam.

“First of all, if parents are going through a hard time,

the children should be referred to a counsellor who will

help them process the situation and react in a mature way.

Many a time, children retreat into their shell or become

overtly hostile towards one or both parents. They need a

professional’s help to understand that because their parents’

relationship is coming apart, it does not diminish their love

for them,” says Dr. Sagar Mundada, consultant psy-

chiatrist and psychotherapist, Healthspring, Mumbai, who

counsels three-four children every month whose parents are

going — or have gone — their separate ways.

Male children tend to express their distress overtly

through classroom rebellion and social aggression. On the

other hand, girl children manage better in the immediate

aftermath of their parents’ divorce, but may experience

difficulty in forming romantic relationships when they grow

Help children cope with

DIVORCE

ADOLESCENCE

NURTURING 21st CENTURY CHILDREN

K.P. MALINI & INDU SURENDAR

While parents going through divorce spend most of their time sorting out their own

feelings of hurt, rejection and bitterness, children who bear witness to arguments

and recriminations have to suffer their own challenges