proud they are about their ‘Shining
Star’! Meanwhile you are not even
mentioned.
Whereas your sister is stunningly
beautiful, a perfect student, a star
sports person and hogs the spotlight,
you recede into the darkness of her
shadow. She gets A+s and you, Cs!
It gets worse when your parents
constantly praise her in your presence
as if to say, “Why can’t you be more
like her”? That kind of attention and
needling can make you jealous.
That can be a real source of bad
feeling between siblings. Living in
your sibling’s shadow can make you
feel awkward and feel depressed.
Competition
If you’re fighting with your sister
or brother, chances are it’s because
you are competing for attention or
possessions like pocket money, the
type of mobile phone, the best seat in
the hall and TV remote — things that
are often to be shared in the house.
You’re always going to be fighting for
your share of them.
Privileges are another issue, especially
if there’s an age difference between you
two. You are made to sit at home while
your brother gets to hang out with his
friends on a Saturday night. He gets
to drive the family car or go on dates
before you do.
Personal space
It is also well-known that the most
common cause of fighting between
teenage siblings is issues of personal
space and privacy. Arguments are
commonly about borrowing without
permission, not respecting physical
privacy, listening in or reading private
communication, copying what the
other does and being followed around.
Bullying
Bullying can become a serious
problem if one sibling bullies or
dominates the other. If your sibling
is older and stronger he could pick
on you constantly. Because of this
aggression, you could develop
antagonizing methods of getting back
at him/her. Since you can’t stand up
to the bully, you may develop ways of
getting your own revenge by saying
things under your breath or calling
him/her names.
What can you do to get along?
If you are tired of living in your
sibling’s shadow or bickering all the
time or you are ticked off that you
are not getting an equal share of the
resources and attention at home, the
best thing for you to do is get your
gripes out in the open. Talk it over
with one or both the parents.
The best time to talk, however, is
not immediately after the latest nastyhard at school and it really upsets me
when people don’t recognize it and
keep praising Anita all the time.”
Your parents might welcome this if
they have unconsciously neglected you
and treated you differently. Letting them
know how it affects you when they
praise your sibling and run you down
may send them the right message.
Alternatively, go straight to the
source of the conflict — your brother
or sister. Be willing to settle and have
a number of options you are willing to
accept. Don’t make it personal. Avoid
being sarcastic and making personal
comments. Be honest. If there’s
something your brother does which
is really upsetting you, let him know
about it. Listen to what he has to say
and accept that his point of view is as
valid as yours. It’s easier said than
done, but well worth the try. Once
you’ve settled on something
you can agree to, stick to it. This
might mean agreeing to stick to it
for a set period of time.
If you take this big step, you might
discover that your sister isn’t at all like
what you thought. She might be just as
insecure as you are. Telling her frankly
how you feel might change your
relationship all together.
If talking to parents and siblings
doesn’t work and you are really hurt,
it’s time to see a counsellor, a therapist
or psychologist. They are professionally
qualified to give you the right advice to
help you deal with your situation.Sibling rivalry doesn’t last
forever
A number of siblings who absolutely
couldn’t stand each other during their
teens have grown up to be best friends
later.
What is important is that you don’t
let your self-esteem take a beating
because of your sibling or parents.
Remember that they don’t make you
special or unique but you do. It is
important to know who you are, and
not let other people define you.
So your brother is a brilliant
student or your sister has a gorgeous
personality and there are times you
may appear to be overshadowed by
them. But you have your own talents
that make you special. Focus on your
talents, successes and achievements.As a teenager you are
developing a sense of
independence, freedomand individuality.
When there is another
teenager struggling
for independence and
dominance under thesame roof, rivalry is
likely to ensue.
showdown you have had with your
brother but when things are cooled
down; nothing serious is happening
at the moment and your parents are
in the right frame of mind to listen to
you. That is the best time to talk. You
could start with something like, “I’ve
got this problem I want to talk to you
about. Is this the right time?”
Don’t start with fault-finding and
accusations. Calmly state how you feel.
You could say something like, “I workPhoto: © LORELYN MEDINA / 123RF.COM