Chat – 01 August 2019

Mywedding

vowwas‘in

sicknessand

inhealth’

Depressed

andlonely,

I wentonline...

Johnand

I can’tbe

together

properly

I neededto

feelcloseto

someoneagain

...

HUB

BY

g on my

25

friends – it is a

dating site tailored

to married people.

Creating my profile,

I didn’t feel one ounce

of guilt.

I needed the

company of an

adult who could

hold an intelligent

conversation, make

me feel special.

My husband couldn’t do that

any more.

Yes, I still loved him.

But he was a shell of the man

I’d married, and I’d already

grieved for him.

Within days, matches started

trickling into my inbox.

I met a few men for coffee.

And while I was honest about

what I was looking for – good

company and friendship –

I didn’t say a word about Alan.

Until I met John, about a

month later.

‘Great to meet you,’ he

beamed as I walked into

the restaurant.

His smile was infectious.

We had so much in common

• from our love of travelling to
  our taste in music.
  We swapped
  numbers,
  messaged daily.
  By now, Alan
  and I had agreed it
  was best he move
  to sheltered
  accommodation.
  He needed
  routine, help with
  his medication.
  And it meant I
  didn’t need
  to lie about where I was
  going when I met John.
  As we became closer,
  I told John everything.
  ‘That sounds so
  difficult,’ he said to
  me sympathetically.
  He was married, too.
  But he didn’t go into
  detail, and I didn’t
  want to know too
  much, anyway.
  The less I knew,
  the less I could feel
  guilty about.
  A couple of weeks
  later, John and I had
  sex for the first time.
  It blew my mind.
  I was nervous

initially – it’d been decades

since I’d been with anyone

but Alan.

But I needn’t have worried.

The sex

was amazing.

And it felt good

to be close to

someone again.

Now John and

I see each other

every week.

We’ve even

been on holiday to

Florida together.

Only my two

closest friends

know, and they support

my decision.

But I know others in my life

wouldn’t be as understanding,

so I’ve decided to keep quiet.

A dirty secret?

In a way, I’m sad John and

I can’t be together properly.

But we’ve both agreed

we’ll never leave our

other halves.

I’d love to be with him for

Christmases

and

birthdays,

but it’s

not meant

to be.

Alan’s

health

has stabilised for now, and

I visit him once or twice a week.

I’ll never ask him for

a divorce.

My vow was ‘in sickness and

in health’, and I’ll be there for

him whenever he needs me.

But I don’t want to put my

life on hold.

I don’t see why I should

have to.