YB FEATURES
Images: Gallo Images/Getty Images16 | JULY & AUGUST 2019
are fortunate and happy, instead of
taking things for granted.
COMMUNICATE AROUND
YOUR FEELINGS
Understanding and communicating
your emotions is deeply satisfying,
calming and connecting.
Learning to recognise one’s own
feelings is a cornerstone of emotional
intelligence (EQ) and of the ability to
recognise other people’s feelings and
empathise with them.
This is all the more important when
it comes to parenting, which can be
emotionally charged and often reactive.
“Parents need to be very self-aware,”
says Ruth.
“If they understand the things that
make them fearful and uncomfortable,
they’ll be less likely to convey that to
their children unconsciously.”
Your emotional expression influences
your child’s emotional development.
Ruth gives this advice: “Model that
you can think deeply and express
feelings. Let them see you talking and
thinking about emotions and about the
wider world.
“Create a culture in your family of
being able to speak openly. Children
learn that we can have different ideas
and points of view and we can express
them without being scared. Having
different points of view doesn’t mean
you can’t have a relationship.” This starts
very young, says Ruth, even with a very
small baby, you talk about their feelings.
“You probably do it naturally, saying,
‘Oooh, you’re crying. Are you tired?
Let’s get you ready for bed...’ When
you do that, you help them name what
they’re feeling,” she explains.DON’T OVERCOMPENSATE
WITH STUFF
Jane tells the story of decluttering her
kids’ toys and having this sudden
realisation: “Each one of those things
was a little piece of my life I had
squandered. I’d worked so many
minutes or hours to buy it, and now it
was just junk.”
Shopping gives a feel-good dopamine
kick. Remember, we evolved as hunters
and gatherers, and when we hit those
summer sales, we’re like prehistoric
folks who have stumbled upon a swarm
of delicious locusts!
We all know that the delight in
a shiny new thing doesn’t last. It won’t
for your children, either. There’s always
something newer and cooler.
Material possessions, and even food,
are often a way of compensating for a
deeper hunger.
If you’re feeling guilty because you’ve
been away on a work trip, you might
buy an overpriced toy at the airport. In
a year, you will be Marie Kondo-ing that
stuff into a landfill somewhere!
Children thrive when you give them
half as many presents and twice as much
of your presence. Our culture centreson consumption. Resist it on behalf of
your family by showing restraint and
mindfulness around accumulating.WORDS HAVE POWER
Focusing on how you express yourself
(verbally or in your head) can improve
your state of mind.
The right kind of self-talk can help
you feel confident, optimistic and joyful,
and negative chatter can increase stress
and self-doubt.
It affects children too. Keep a mental
eye on your conversations for a day
or two, and see what sort of tone and
subject matter you tend towards. Are
you often critical or complaining?
Do you often remark on appearance
and status? How do you talk about
people? Do you take an empathetic and
generous view?
Consider the old maxim, attributed
to the Persian poet and mystic Rumi:
“Before you say something, ask three
questions. Is it true? Is it necessary? Is
it kind?”EMBRACE JOY
The opportunity to be creative, to
explore and invent, to laugh and play,
greatly enriches us.
Make space for lightness and
joy, for fun and flirtation – or awe
and entertainment.
It’s an essential ingredient of a rich
and meaningful family life. Your
children will remember it. YBCHILDREN THRIVE WHEN YOU GIVE THEM HALF AS MANY
PRESENTS AND TWICE AS MUCH OF YOUR PRESENCE