YB BABY FILES: TODDLER
Images: Gallo Images/Getty Images66 | JULY & AUGUST 2019
IN MY THREE-YEAR-OLD’S closet there
are only three sets of clothes she’ll wear.
The rest just hang there, brand spanking
new. The three sets are all pink.
At first, I thought it’s a girl thing,
but one day I stumbled upon the
explanation: her two besties don’t want
to play with her if she’s not wearing
pink. I was gobsmacked – peer pressure
at age three?
But it’s not that strange at all, the
experts say. Children are subjected to
social pressure or peer pressure even
before they go to school, says Elzette
Fritz, an education psychologist from
Primrose in the east of Johannesburg.
IT STARTS IN NURSERY SCHOOL
“It’s not that little ones put direct
pressure on each other to do certain
things,” Elzette says. “It’s rather that
they imitate each other. Friends who
are popular exert great influence in
Peer pressure at3!
Even in day care and in
nursery school nowadays,
you find friends influencing
each other... How can you
mentally prepare your child?
Shanda Luyt finds out
the classroom when it comes to things
such as clothes, toys, language use
and behaviour such as manners and
discipline,” she explains.
Elzette says her own three-year-old
one day came home with the word
“shut-up”. “When I wanted to know
where he’d heard it, he said from one of
his best friends. This friend has a strong
personality and acts as a leader in class.
It’s inevitable that the other children
would imitate him.”
Elize Olivier, an educational
psychologist from Northcliff in
Johannesburg, agrees that social
pressure is becoming important from
a younger age.
“It’s because children grow up quicker
nowadays,” she says. “Children no
longer stay home when they’re small,
they go to kindergarten and are exposed
to peers. Plus, children are cruel. If
you don’t have the right clothes or
accessories, no-one will play with you,
whether you’re three or 13. Just think
about Spider-Man and Barbie.”
Elize says children are bombarded
with messages to do the “right” thing by
social pressure, the media and parents.
“So much is expected of children at
such a young age. They’re exposed to
a host of activities that they don’t really
like or aren’t interested in.“Parents also feel under pressure
because they’re worried their children
don’t develop quickly enough if
they don’t take part in everything.
Advertisers also puts pressure on the
children to own the ‘right’ clothes and
toys, and friends reinforce this. It doesn’t
help that most of today’s parents are in a
position to buy it for their children.”SOCIAL PRESSURE IS A GOOD
THING... SOMETIMES
But is social pressure always so bad? Not
always – in fact, parents and teachers
can use it to their advantage.
“Take children who are scared to
do things or to take risks,” says Elize.
“If all the friends do it, these children
will sometimes also go along. If your
child doesn’t want to swim, sit by the
pool with her and show her how all
the friends swim. Don’t be surprised if
she’s also in the water after a little while.
Children notice how other children are
positively encouraged, and then they
want to be part of that activity to get
positive attention.”
Elzette says it is because of social
pressure that children learn to eat
around a table in nursery school, take
a nap and master going to the toilet by
themselves. “One takes the lead, usually
the one who’s further developed than