the others, and the teacher makes such a big deal about
it that the others will follow. In many cases the teacher
can put the social pressure in motion, to the little ones’
advantage,” she adds.
Elzette says social pressure can be good or bad,
depending on the behaviour that it confirms and the effect
on the child.
“The child who feels like an exception because she’s
the only one in the class who’s still in nappies could, for
instance, develop self-image problems,” explains Elzette.
Temperament also plays a part in how your child is
going to react to social pressure from a young age. Some
children want to fit into the group, and for them it could
be very important to have the same clothes, shoes or toys.
Other children are more individualistic and want to be
different. Teachers also play a big part in terms of social
pressure, Elzette says.
“If the teacher disapproves, other friends could start
harassing that child – even if they’re two years old.
Pre-school children still yearn for the approval of their
primary caregivers, which include their teachers. So, if
teacher approves a child’s behaviour, chances are that other
children will imitate that.”
WHAT YOUR CHILD SHOULD KNOW
As parents we also need to learn how to handle social
pressure and show our children it’s not only about how
similar we are to other people. It’s more important to be
yourself and care for others.
“Dress your little girl in pink if it’s the fashion but make
it different with a purple or red bow. Chat to her while she’s
getting dressed, and tell her how special she is, no matter
what colour she wears. Emphasise other things, like being
a loving friend who cares for others, who invites everyone
to come and play,” advises Elize.
“After a while, children will realise that clothes or
appearance is not that important. If there’s a friend who
can’t dress like the rest, invite her to come and play with
your child. In this way she gets to know someone else,
and they’ll be more comfortable with each other at school
without getting hung up on toys or clothes. You can
sometimes give in to that request for a Barbie or Spider-
Man. It’s just a phase and will pass. But you definitely
don’t need to give in to all your child’s whims. If your
child wants something that you know will no longer be in
fashion next week, get her to save for it. Before long, she’ll
see something she wants instead and will go for that.”
You also can’t protect your child against social pressure,
Elzette says – and you don’t really have to. A child with
a good self-image who’s learnt from early on that she’s
entitled to her own opinion is in a better position to make
her own decisions. The child who feels loved and accepted
in her family and also feels that her teacher values her will
be less prone to do things just to be accepted by the group.
“So regular communication with your child is priceless,
because it’s in the family set-up where she’s taught to argue
and think about consequences. Even a three-year-old can
argue if she’s stimulated to do so from birth,” Elzette says.
“The skills that will empower your child are respect for
others, independent and critical thinking, social skills,
and a strongly developed sense of self. Your child needs to
hear from day one that she’s unique (we don’t all like the
same things, and that’s okay). You can also read books with
characters who go against the grain.” YB