JULY 2019 • 141READER’S DIGEST“JUST FOR MEN” HAIR DYE adverts
don’t work because the good looking
guy with black or grey hair looks
good either way. Give me a fat school
janitor whose dark hair makes his
eyes pop and then maybe I’ll start
paying attention.
COMEDIAN KYLE FIELDS
TODAY I LEARNED THAT HUMANS
eat more bananas than monkeys.
I wasn’t surprised. I can’t even
remember the last time that I ate
a monkey. SEEN ON TWITTER
HOW MANY MYSTERY WRITERS
does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and
another to give it an unexpected
twist at the end. SEEN ON FACEBOOK
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MAN
who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
SIDONIE CHAFFER-MELLY, London
TWO PRIESTS WERE WALKING
down the street when a very drunk
man approached them. Turning to
the first priest, he said, “Hello, I’m
Jesus Christ.”
“No you’re not,” the priest replied.
So the man turned to the second
priest and said, “I’m Jesus Christ.”
“No, son,” the priest replied,
“you’re certainly not.” Getting
frustrated, the drunken man told the
priests that he could prove it, if
they’d follow him to the nearest bar.
As they entered, the barman took
one look at the drunk man and
shouted, “Jesus Christ, not you again!”
SEEN ON REDDITI WENT BOOK SHOPPING RECENTLY
and asked the shop assistant if they
had any books on turtles. “Hardback?”
“Yes,” I replied, “and little heads.”
COMEDIAN MARK SIMMONSI HAD A JOB INTERVIEW RECENTLY
and they asked me if I can perform
under pressure.
I said, “I’m not sure, but I can
definitely perform ‘Another One
Bites The Dust.’ ” SEEN ON REDDIT