FOR MORE GREAT STORIES, VISIT COSMO.INthe morning. In the AM
session, though, “There
was a moment when it
felt a little different and
I realised he had taken
the condom off,” she says.
“I was really upset. He
couldn’t believe that I
thought it was a big deal.”
WHY MEN DO IT
Unsurprisingly, stealthing
may be more likely
to occur when there’s
alcohol involved and a
guy makes a very bad
drunken decision (think:
Seth Rogen’s character’s
actions in the film
Knocked Up).
But booze isn’t always
a factor. The practice is
more common among
men who already have
hostile attitudes towards
women, says Kelly.
The proof is in online
communities in which—
brace yourself—guys
encourage others to
stealth. Some justify their
actions as a man’s right
to ‘spread his seed’. As
one stealther wrote, “Youcan’t have one and not
the other. If she wants
a guy’s penis, she has
to take the guy’s load.”
Others use stealthing as
a power play to reclaim
control in a world where
women are increasingly
saying, “no condom, no
sex,” explains psychologist
Perry Halkitis, Dean
and professor at the
School of Public
Health at New Jersey’s
Rutgers University.
“But it’s still a violation,
pure and simple.”RECONSIDERING
THE FEMALE
CONDOM
Old versions were poorly
designed and hard to
find—hence, a general
lack of enthusiasm (and
use) among women, says
Harry Fisch, a clinical
professor of urology and
reproductive medicine
at the Weill Cornell
Medical College and
Chief Corporate Officer
at the Female Health
Company, makers of the
FC2 female condom.
Newer, improved lady
sheaths adhere to the
walls of the vagina, are,
on average, 95 percent
effective at protecting
against pregnancy and
STIs, and are available
online and at many health
clinics and pharmacies.
Bonus: female condoms
can also be inserted up
to eight hours before sex
(meaning no messing
with your mojo during an
impromptu sesh), and
they also don’t need to
be removed immediately
after the guy ejaculates.
For more on the FC2,
visit glydehealth.com.HOW TO PROTECT
YOURSELF
Before you get into bed
with a new partner, come
prepared with your own
condoms, male or female
(see ‘Reconsidering the
Female Condom’, left),
and have a candid convo
about expectations. If a guy
whines about wrapping it
up and you don’t know (or
trust) him well, consider
avoiding intercourse. “If
it’s an orgasm you’re after,
there are plenty of other
ways to get it,” says Pepper
Schwartz, a professor of
sociology at the University
of Washington in
Seattle and co-author of
50 Great Myths Of
Human Sexuality.
If you opt for
penetration, keep in
mind it’s easier to see
if a condom is in place
when you’re facing each
other (i.e. in missionary
or girl-on-top). Whenever
you switch it up, use your
hand to guide him back
inside you and feel for
the condom, suggests
ob-gyn Lauren Naliboff,
a fellow of the American
College of Obstetricians
and Gynaecologists. If
you think you’ve been
stealthed, go to a pharmacy
for the morning-after pill
and to your doctor or clinic
for an STI test.
Finally, make your
voice heard. Currently,
there’s no legislation that
says removing a condom
without consent is against
the law. That’s because
nobody has taken a case to
court yet. However, if your
consent has been violated
(what sexual assault is),
always consider reporting it
to the police. nAPRIL 2018 COSMOPOLITAN 95