F E AT U R E
96 MUSCLE & FITNESS / AUGUST 2019
S
o, here I was sitting at the local coffee shop,
halfway through this month’s article having
received some rather entertaining readers’
questions when I spotted an overly frisky couple
tucked away in the corner. Now, I absolutely LOVE
people watching. Behavioural psychology and body
language analysis is one of my most favourite things.
From the obvious “look at me, look at me” attention
grabbers to the subtle nuances of micro gestures
that can precede speech. It’s great to watch courting
rituals in public. I guess I am a self-confessed
voyeur of sorts!Now one doesn’t need to be an expert to work out
what the female party was insinuating when she
scooped some foam from her cup using TWO fingers,
then sucked them clean in a manner that had me
needing an immediate trouser shuffle to accommodate
the latte grande brewing in my boxers!I smiled, he drooled and she fellated her fingers.
Good times...and with that I decided to ditch the
article I was writing and talk about the dynamics
of cheating instead. Do you blame me!?Cheating, infidelity, being unfaithful. Word it how
you will. Irrespective of the nature of your actions, be
it a one night stand, long-term affair or convincing
yourself that it’s just a “textual” exchange. The
underlying truth is. You’ll have a lot to think about.
Namely, getting caught!Now I shall be very clear from the off. I’m not here
to pass any sort of moral judgement. But I will attempt
to provide some useful introspective.So first we need to ask the ask
the question. Why cheat?
You entered into a relationship and your partner
gradually or suddenly changed their dynamic. If my
favourite restaurant stops serving me steak and chips
and tries to fob me off with a tofu salad, trust me, I’m
gonna eat elsewhere. If all elements of a relationship
were viewed as a business agreement, this would
be false advertising. The same goes for if one’s
partner lets themselves go physically out of sheer
complacency. I’ve lost count of the number of times
I’ve heard people tell me they’re married now
so there’s no point in working hard to look good.
FFS. Have some dignity and self-respect! We base our prospective futures on the honeymoon
period. It’s all magic and sparkles to start. She makes
an effort to wear things that’ll allure you, makeup,
perfume, all the crazy shit you’ve ever wanted in bed
and you, sir, are now sold to this idea of who you think
she is!.. Then gradually, the short white skirt morphs
into nasty baggy tracksuit bottoms, she loses her hair
brush and she’s having a period three times a week,
whilst you’re spending the days speculating if there’ll be
an unfulfilling five-minute round of missionary before
she pre-emptively tells you she has a headache of some
description and goes to bed. Thank God for the internet
right?! Don’t get me wrong! Guys are just as bad. It’s
the football, festering on the sofa over some pointless
computer game, lads’ night out drinking, gaining a
beer belly and not recognising that you actually have a
woman who could verrrry easily get another guy to pay
her ALL the attention you ain’t! News flash fellas: youCHEATERS NEVER PROSPER!
So you want to cheat? Things you should know!