Thrasher – August 2019

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QUOTES:

What’s coming down

the pipe this month...

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5

10

Ben Raemers, RIP

Goodnight, sweet prince

Moving back home to

get sponsored

Beats fighting the crowds

at Cherry

Instagram

kids better

than the pros

Until you’re as

cool as KB,

save it!

Colorway beef

When friends become foes

Cole back on Fallen

He was SOTY twice, too

Puleo’s

beautiful mind

There’s 11 letters

in “Bones

Brigade” btw

Dropping offensive

trick names

Also, Dick Rizzo will now be

known as “William”

Hawk back on

Bagel Bites

They got a

microwave under

that vert ramp?

Simon and Manch pro

Girl, you’ll be a woman soon

Skaters going to rehab

Like Barcelona but with less

weird ham

Nyjah covers

up mom

tattoo

With a freakin’

gold medal,

we hope

2

No, Danny Way, thank YOU!

FIVE FRONTS

THE OL’ GOING-PRO surprise thing has seen a few

different iterations—most recently with Simon Bannerot and

Tyler “Manchild” Pacheco finding out via a First Look with

this very issue (check their Girl ad)—but it you’re looking to

give a rider that bump in a truly unique way, we got you:

• HAVE THEIR grandpa jump out of an
  oversized cake, nude, holding their pro model


• KICK THEM off the team and then send
  them their pro board two months later with a
  JK note attached to it


• FAKE KIDNAP them and lock ‘em in a
  basement for a week. On the eighth day,
  pretend that you forgot to lock the door. When
  they escape, have all their friends and family
  there to surprise them


• SPRAY PAINT “You’re Pro Ass Fuck” on their
  dad’s Volvo stationwagon in their driveway.
  Realize you wrote “Ass” instead of “As.”
  Apologize for numerous reasons


• HAVE THEIR MOM call and say, “I’m sorry
  to tell you that Dad has died.” When they quit
  crying, she’ll say, “Just kidding! You’re pro
  as fudge!”
  
  
  • FRAME THEM for murder. Get their cellmate
    to show them their going-pro ad in Thrasher,
    behind bars
  
  
  • GET A COP to arrest them. When they ask
    what the charges are, have the cop say,
    “For homicide! Because you’ve been killing
    the spots!” Then get the officer to lightly
    assault them with their pro board while they’re
    handcuffed
  
  
  • TAKE THEM on a tour of the city morgue for
    an autopsy. Pay the attendant to pull their board
    out of a cadaver
  
  
  • GET THEIR GRANDMA to tattoo their pro
    graphic on her breast. Have her hit them up in
    the DMs
  
  
  • KILL THEM and bury them with their signature
    deck, hoping that when the zombie apocalypse
    happens they’ll come back—super stoked!
  
  
  
  

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“See, there’s only two dudes for the job: me or

To n y.” —Frank Gerwer, on Tony Hawk

announcing Park Series

“Jake Johnson is like a great white

buffalo.” —Ishod Wair

“I’m kind of a kook on a surfboard.”

—Daan Van Der Linden

“If you don’t got Venmo, you’re the friend that

either never buys anyone anything or never pays

anyone back.” —Rick Fabro

“I’m not skating another spot until I get my
Tinder back.” —Zach “Ducky” Kovacs

“It’s always been a dream of mine to
put together the world’s worst skate
team.” —Jerry Hsu

“I always buy jewelry when I’m hungover.
I’m always hungover.” —Etienne “ET” Gagne

“Can we please do some Juggalo shit this
weekend?” —Reese Salken

“I feel this song deeply in my heart.”

—Cedric Pabich, about Dolly Parton’s

“Jolene”

“It was a different time. I didn’t know what
vegetarians were.” —Collin Provost

“I pay my neighbor $1,000 to do my homework.”
—CJ Collins

“I would for sure be someone’s bitch
in jail.” —Franky Villani

“Your head just looks like a potato.”
—Ronnie Sandoval to Mason Silva

“I’m not salty, I’m just a dick.” —Jake Donnelly