BOWLING
Given that my butt is my greatest physical
asset (or assets, if you count both cheeks),
bowling is an ideal dating sport so far as
I’m concerned. Not only do I get to crouch
down low in front of my prospective mating
partner, sticking my rear in the air for their
gazing pleasure time and time again, but I
also get to humiliate them by consistently
knocking down more pins than them, and
turning to say, “I forgot how awesome
I am at this.” The game also gives you
something to talk about – ideal if you want
to avoid discussing your day-to-day life
and unpaid dental bills, which I did. Yes,
the night went well, if you call demanding
your date carry you down a flight of stairs
because you can’t be bothered walking
anymore ‘well’ – but not if you consider
the price of the evening. Think about
it: you’re forking out for bowling, food,
transportation, and enough alcohol to make
the other person look attractive. Sure, in a
perfect world you’d already find that person
attractive, but after I see someone burp
mid-burger, I need around a litre of vodka
to get back in ‘the moment’.MTCOOKING TOGETHER
I suffered first-date-level anxiety choosing
a ‘romantic’ recipe for this date. The
internet suggested spaghetti marinara –
sexy in a fishy, Lady and the Tramp kind
of way. I don’t like being told what to do,
which makes following a recipe difficult.
So, I happily handed my date – aka my
boyfriend – control of the mess I’d created
and focused on the wine (consumption).
We both made an effort to wear clean
clothes rather than our regular eating
pants or sweaty gym gear. I even set the
table with linen and candles; decanted
wine; filled a vase with flowers; and put
on a record. I served the pasta as though
I’d cooked it myself, and we sat down to
use real, metal cutlery and real, long-
stemmed wine glasses. We relished
that there were no restaurant queues to
wait in; no staff hovering or noisy nearby
tables. No surge-priced Ubers. It was a
simple kind of joy to put in effort for a
dinner at home, and to try a little harder
for each other. I enjoyed doing something
for someone I love. And then he enjoyed
doing the dishes in the morning. CC
FUNFAIR
I expected this date to be as thrilling and
giddy as my teenage Timezone outings. It
wasn’t. I’m older and not a virgin, which
takes a lot of fun out of this kind of thing.
As an adult, funfairs lose their sheen.
You can see the shoddy facades; rides
become safety hazards; and queues seem
interminable. Just think of all the things
you could achieve in the time it takes to
board a ride that costs more than a coffee
and lasts half as long! I tried to push my
dull inner-adult aside. It didn’t help that
my date and I both ride motorbikes, which
made the ferris wheel feel like riding a
penny-farthing. The views were amazing,
but it turned out my date is terrified of
heights, so, while couples in neighbouring
cages made out, we mimicked birthing
breaths. It all felt a little ‘forced teen-
dream first date’ for me: fairy floss, stuffed
toys and haunted house rides. If you’re the
kind of person who likes an activity date
and you’re comfortable releasing your
inner-child, it could work for you. If you’re
more the dim lighting and martinis and
making out type, stick with that. CCroad test