15-05-2021-052358It-Ends-with-Us

I don’t know how I’m supposed to last until my due date when I
can’t even get out of a chair without grunting.
Once I’m standing, he doesn’t immediately release my hand. We’re
just a few inches apart, and I know if I look up at him I’ll feel things. I
don’t want to feel things for him.
He finds my other hand until he’s holding both of them down at
my sides. He threads his fingers through mine and I feel it all the way
to my heart. I press my forehead against his chest and close my eyes.
His cheek meets the top of my head and we stand completely still,
both of us too scared to move. I’m scared to move because I might be
too weak to stop him from kissing me. He’s scared to move because
he’s afraid if he does, I’ll pull away.
For what feels like five full minutes, neither of us moves a muscle.
“Ryle,” I finally say. “Can you promise me something?”
I feel him nod.
“Until this baby comes, please don’t try to talk me into forgiving
you. And please don’t try to kiss me.. .” I pull away from his chest and
look up at him. “I want to tackle one huge thing at a time, and right
now my only priority is having this baby. I don’t want to add any more
stress or confusion on top of everything that’s already happening.”
He squeezes both of my hands reassuringly. “One monumental life-
changing thing at a time. Got it.”
I smile, relieved that we’ve finally had this conversation. I know I
didn’t make a final decision about the two of us, but I still feel like I
can breathe easier now that we’re on the same page.
He releases my hands. “I’m late for my shift,” he says, tossing a
thumb over his shoulder. “I should get to work.”
I nod and see him out. It isn’t until after I’ve shut the door and am
alone in my apartment that I realize I have a smile on my face.
I’m still incredibly angry with him that we’re even in this
predicament to begin with, so my smile is simply due to making a
little headway. Sometimes parents have to work through their
differences and bring a level of maturity into a situation in order to
do what’s best for their child.
That’s exactly what we’re doing. Learning how to navigate our
situation before our child is brought into the fold.