2020-04-01_Total_Film



GAMESRADARCOM/TOTALFILM

OFFICE SPACED

Chatter ‘gems’ overheard in the

Total Film office this month...



APRIL 2020 | TOTAL FILM

HAVE

YOUR SAY

gamesradar.com/

totalfilm

•VIDEOS•REVIEWS

•TRAILERS•NEWS

“Youcan’tmakeamendswith 

anemojiofamonkeycovering 

itseyes!”

*

“Ofallmymany

vicescustardistop”

*

“Ican’t 

believehowmuchdamage 

BossBabyhasdone”

O

h my absolute goodness!! Total

Film never ceases to surprise us

subscribers. Imagine my delight when

issue 296 dropped heavily onto the

coconut matting, accompanied by 007

art cards – one of which was the

skull-mask Spectre picture, which

instantly whisked me back to when I

first saw Live And Let Die in 1977. Cue

the electric guitar wah-wahs from the

theme song playing in my head; a quick

hop through the crocodile-infested

hallway and then off to the kitchen for

some voodoo, a cuppa and a good read!

PAUL BROOKS, CALVERT GREEN

Ryan, we truly feel your – and sundry

other readers’ - pain; hopefully our

coverage put some literary Savlon on

the face-slap. Glad you liked the No

Time To Die package, Paul; in return,

please take back the wah-wahs you’ve

earwormed us with. Or at least swap for

some Goldfinger mega-trumpet.

BOOK CORNER

R

e: recent literary adaptations.

It feels like great authors’

magnificent old stately homes have

been reopened to the modern public.

Their dusty old contents have had an

energising (even quirky) restoration,

with the protective covers taken off

their stories’ furniture and the curtains

pulled back on the characters. There’s

been a light allowed in again thanks to

Dev Patel as David Copperfield, Anya

Taylor-Joy as Emma and Saoirse Ronan

as Jo in Little Women... Any thoughts

on what could provide the next

refurbishment? Jane Eyre starring

Awkwafina, anybody?

DECLAN MACMANUS, VIA EMAIL

F

or me, Little Women is an average,

three-star film. Most other

versions of the book I’ve seen tell the

story in sequence from start to finish,

whereas this film chops and changes,

going back in time then to the

present... it doesn’t work. Moreover,

there isn’t enough development in the

relationships between Meg and John, or

Jo and Professor Bhaer. And the ending

is a little confusing. What next? Jane

Eyre is a robot? Filmmakers should just

stick to the original story and not

deviate from the plot!

ANGELA MORRISSEY, VIA

EMAIL

Got to admit, our main

takeaway from these

letters is a feeling of raving

desperation to see a new Jane

Eyre starring a robot Awkwafina.

Mind you, wouldn’t her sensors suss

out the business in the attic straight off

the bat? OK, there are a few details to

finesse, but just fit Thornfield Hall with

a Rollerball track and the rest will take

care of itself.

OMISSION IM-PUSS-IBLE

S

o I read your article on 10 of the

best talking cats [TF 293]. And

while I do have an issue with choosing

animated cats over the purr-fectly

divine real thing, my main issue is the

omission of the cutest cat ever to talk

on film – the kitten stray in Babe 2: Pig

In The City. Honestly, her “my tummy

hurts” was my ring tone for years after

that movie. Please go watch it and

immediately melt over the killer

adorableness of that kitten.

SUE FINN, VIA EMAIL

Honestly, don’t know what you’re

talking ab– oh. Oh. Hewwo there,

gorgeous – does your tummy-wummy

hurt? You’re so cute you make that

talking porker look like one of

those puke-faced cretins in

Angry Birds!

RIP MVS

S

o sad to hear of the

passing of the late,

great Max von Sydow.

His output was phenomenal,

providing some of my favourite

cinematic memories – from Three Days

Of The Condor to Minority Report, The

Seventh Seal, Escape To Victory, The

Exorcist... and so many more. No matter

how good the other cast, he invariably

stole the film, whatever he played. He

simply oozed class.

STEPHEN MCCARTHY, GLASGOW

He certainly did – Max von Sydow

was one of those rare stars who cast

a spell on everyone, whatever genre

the film was, however big his role, and

whatever your viewing tastes. When

they say Judge Dredd is a ‘one-star’

movie, they mean Sydow. For our full

obituary, see p126.

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