GAMESRADARCOM/TOTALFILM
OFFICE SPACED
Chatter ‘gems’ overheard in the
Total Film office this month...
APRIL 2020 | TOTAL FILM
HAVE
YOUR SAY
gamesradar.com/
totalfilm
•VIDEOS•REVIEWS
•TRAILERS•NEWS
“Youcan’tmakeamendswith
anemojiofamonkeycovering
itseyes!”
*
“Ofallmymany
vicescustardistop”
*
“Ican’t
believehowmuchdamage
BossBabyhasdone”
O
h my absolute goodness!! Total
Film never ceases to surprise us
subscribers. Imagine my delight when
issue 296 dropped heavily onto the
coconut matting, accompanied by 007
art cards – one of which was the
skull-mask Spectre picture, which
instantly whisked me back to when I
first saw Live And Let Die in 1977. Cue
the electric guitar wah-wahs from the
theme song playing in my head; a quick
hop through the crocodile-infested
hallway and then off to the kitchen for
some voodoo, a cuppa and a good read!
PAUL BROOKS, CALVERT GREEN
Ryan, we truly feel your – and sundry
other readers’ - pain; hopefully our
coverage put some literary Savlon on
the face-slap. Glad you liked the No
Time To Die package, Paul; in return,
please take back the wah-wahs you’ve
earwormed us with. Or at least swap for
some Goldfinger mega-trumpet.
BOOK CORNER
R
e: recent literary adaptations.
It feels like great authors’
magnificent old stately homes have
been reopened to the modern public.
Their dusty old contents have had an
energising (even quirky) restoration,
with the protective covers taken off
their stories’ furniture and the curtains
pulled back on the characters. There’s
been a light allowed in again thanks to
Dev Patel as David Copperfield, Anya
Taylor-Joy as Emma and Saoirse Ronan
as Jo in Little Women... Any thoughts
on what could provide the next
refurbishment? Jane Eyre starring
Awkwafina, anybody?
DECLAN MACMANUS, VIA EMAIL
F
or me, Little Women is an average,
three-star film. Most other
versions of the book I’ve seen tell the
story in sequence from start to finish,
whereas this film chops and changes,
going back in time then to the
present... it doesn’t work. Moreover,
there isn’t enough development in the
relationships between Meg and John, or
Jo and Professor Bhaer. And the ending
is a little confusing. What next? Jane
Eyre is a robot? Filmmakers should just
stick to the original story and not
deviate from the plot!
ANGELA MORRISSEY, VIA
EMAIL
Got to admit, our main
takeaway from these
letters is a feeling of raving
desperation to see a new Jane
Eyre starring a robot Awkwafina.
Mind you, wouldn’t her sensors suss
out the business in the attic straight off
the bat? OK, there are a few details to
finesse, but just fit Thornfield Hall with
a Rollerball track and the rest will take
care of itself.
OMISSION IM-PUSS-IBLE
S
o I read your article on 10 of the
best talking cats [TF 293]. And
while I do have an issue with choosing
animated cats over the purr-fectly
divine real thing, my main issue is the
omission of the cutest cat ever to talk
on film – the kitten stray in Babe 2: Pig
In The City. Honestly, her “my tummy
hurts” was my ring tone for years after
that movie. Please go watch it and
immediately melt over the killer
adorableness of that kitten.
SUE FINN, VIA EMAIL
Honestly, don’t know what you’re
talking ab– oh. Oh. Hewwo there,
gorgeous – does your tummy-wummy
hurt? You’re so cute you make that
talking porker look like one of
those puke-faced cretins in
Angry Birds!
RIP MVS
S
o sad to hear of the
passing of the late,
great Max von Sydow.
His output was phenomenal,
providing some of my favourite
cinematic memories – from Three Days
Of The Condor to Minority Report, The
Seventh Seal, Escape To Victory, The
Exorcist... and so many more. No matter
how good the other cast, he invariably
stole the film, whatever he played. He
simply oozed class.
STEPHEN MCCARTHY, GLASGOW
He certainly did – Max von Sydow
was one of those rare stars who cast
a spell on everyone, whatever genre
the film was, however big his role, and
whatever your viewing tastes. When
they say Judge Dredd is a ‘one-star’
movie, they mean Sydow. For our full
obituary, see p126.
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