of time as a child at your grandmother’s – what kind of relationship did
you have with her?’). And it lets the other person know that you were
really listening.
Be a friend, not a judge
Resist the impulse of giving the other person advice – unless of course
they specifically ask for it. Instead, take the conversation back to an
exciting, important part of the story: ‘Earlier, you said that ...’ Take the
person away from the smooth surface to deeper levels: ‘How was it for
you, when you ...?’ Or encourage the person to keep talking by simply
asking: ‘And what happened next?’
‘The most romantic gift: to listen to another’s anxieties for one hour,
without judgement or “solutions”, as an analyst might.’
Alain de Botton