And it is only for that reason that I would ask you, "Do the foregoing
sentences present enough evidence that I should conclude without
further puzzlement that today is your birthday?"
Achilles: You Hatten me with your weighty praise, Mr. T -FLATTER, I
mean. But I am struck by the repetitive nature of your questioning-
and in my estimation, you, just as well as I, could have answered 'yes'
each time.
Tortoise: Of course I could have, Achilles. But you see, to do so would
have been to make a Wild Guess-and Tortoises abhor Wild Guesses.
Tortoises formulate only Educated Guesses. Ah, yes-the power of the
Educated Guess. You have no idea how many people fail to take into
account all the Relevant Factors when they're guessing.
Achilles: It seems to me that there was only one relevant factor in this
rigmarole, and that was my first statement.
Tortoise: Oh, to be sure, it's at least ONE of the factors to take into account,
I'd say-but would you have me neglect Logic, that venerated science
of the ancients? Logic is always a Relevant Factor in making Educated
Guesses, and since I have with me a renowned expert in Logic, I
thought it only Logical to take advantage of that fact, and confirm my
hunches, by directly asking him whether my intuitions were correct. So
let me finally come out and ask. you point blank: "Do the preceding
sentences allow me to conclude, with no room for doubt, that Today is
your Birthday?"
Achilles: For one more time, YES. But frankly speaking, I have the distinct
impression that you could have supplied that answer-as well as all the
previous ones-yourself.
Tortoise: How your words sting! Would I were so wise as your insinuation
suggests! But as merely a mortal Tortoise, profoundly ignorant and
longing to take into account all the Relevant Factors, I needed to know
the answers to all those questions.
Achilles: Well then, let me clear the matter up for once and for all. The
answer to all the previous questions, and to all the succeeding ones
which you will ask along the same line, is just this: YES.
Tortoise: Wonderful! In one fell swoop, you have circumvented the whole
mess, in your characteristically inventive manner. I hope you won't
mind if I call this ingenious trick an ANSWER SCHEMA. It rolls up
yes-answers numbers 1,2,3, etc., into one single ball. In fact, coming
as it does at the end of the line, it deserves the title "Answer Schema
Omega", 'w' being the last letter of the Greek alphabet-as if YOU
needed to be told THAT!
Achilles: I don't care what you call it. I am just very relieved that you
finally agree that it is my birthday, and we can go on to some other
topic-such as what you are going to give me as a present.
Tortoise: Hold on-not so fast. I WILL agree it is your birthday, provided
one thing.
Achilles: What? That I ask for no present?
(^462) Birthday Cantatatata ...