next-to-Iast (and only) movement was a one-voice fugue. You can't
imagine its intricacies. For our finale, we played Beethoven's Ninth
Zenfunny. At the end, everyone in the audience rose and clapped with
one hand. It was overwhelming.
Sloth: Oh, I'm sorry I missed it. But do you suppose it's been recorded? At
home I have a fine hi-fi to play it on-the best two-channel monaural
system money can buy.
Crab: I'm sure you can find it somewhere. Well, my friends, the game is
about to begin.
Achilles: Who is playing today, Mr. Crab?
Crab: I believe it's Home Team versus Visitors. Oh, no-that was last
week. I think this week it's Out-of-Towners.
Achilles: I'm rooting for Home Team. I always do.
Sloth: Oh, how conventional. I never root for Home Team. The closer a
team lives to the antipodes, the more I root for it.
Achilles: Oh, so you live in the Antipodes? I'vtj heard it's charming to live
there, but I wouldn't want to visit them. They're so far away.
Sloth: And the strange thing about them is that they don't get any closer
no matter which way you traveL
Tortoise: That's my kind of place.
Crab: It's game time. I think I'll turn on the TV.
(He walks over to an enormous cabinet with a screen, underneath which is
an instrument panel as complicated as that of a jet airplane. He flicks a
knob, and the football stadium appears in bright vivid color on the screen.)Announcer: Good afternoon, fans. Well, it looks like that time of year has
rolled around again when Home Team and Out-of-Town face each
other on the gridiron and play Ollt their classic pigskin rivalry. It's been
drizzling on and off this afternoon, and the field's a little wet, but
despite the weather it promises to be a fine game, especially with that
GREAT pair of eighth-backs playing for Home Team, Tedzilliger and
Palindromi. And now, here's Pilipik, kicking off for Home Team. It's
in the air! Flampson takes it for Out-of-Towners, and runs it back-
he's to the 20, the 25, the 30, and down at the 32. That was Mool in on
the tackle for Home Team.
Crab: A superb runback! Did you see how he was ALMOST tackled by
Quilker-but somehow broke away?
Sloth: Oh, don't be silly, Crab. Nothing of the kind happened. Quilker did
NOT tackle Flampson. There's no need to confuse poor Achilles (or the
rest of us) with hocus-pocus about what "almost" happened. It's a
fact-with no "almost" 's, "if" 's, "and" 's, or "but" 'So
Announcer: Here's the instant replay. Just watch number 79, Quilker,
come in from the side, surprising Flampson, and just about tackle him!
Sloth: "Just about"! Bah!
Achilles: Such a graceful maneuver! What would we do without instant
replays?
(^634) Contrafactus