Announcer: It's first down and 10 for Out-of-Town. Noddle takes the ball,
hands off to Orwix-it's a reverse-Orwix runs around to the right,
handing off to Flampson-a double reverse, folks!-and now
Flampson hands it to Treefig, who's downed twelve yards behind
scrimmage. A twelve-yard loss on a triple reverse!
Sloth: I love it! A sensational play!
Achilles: But, Mr. S, I thought you were rooting for Out-of-Town. They
lost twelve yards on the play.
Sloth: They did? Oh, well-who cares, as long as it was a beautiful play?
Let's see it again.( ... and so the first half of the game passes. Towards the end of the third
quarter, a particularly crucial play comes up for Home Team. They are
behind by eight points. It's third down and 10, and they badly need afirst
down.)Announcer: The ball is hiked to Tedzilliger, who fades back, looking for a
receiver, and fakes to Quilker. There's Palindromi, playing wide right,
with nobody near him. Tedzilliger spots him and fires a low pass to
him. Palindromi snatches it out of the air, and-(There is an audible
groan from the crowd.)--oh, he steps out of bounds! What a crushing
blow for Home Team, folks! If Palindromi hadn't stepped out of
bounds, he could've run all the way to the end zone for a touchdown!
Let's watch the subjunctive instant replay.
(And on the screen the same lineup appears as before.)
The ball is hiked to Tedzilliger, who fades back, looking for a receiver,
and fakes to Quilker. There's Palindromi, playing wide right, with
nobody near him. Tedzilliger spots him, and fires a low pass to him.
Palindromi snatches it out of the air, and-(There is an audible gasp from
the crowd.)-he almost steps out of bounds! But he's still in bounds, and
it's clear all the way to the end zone! Palindromi streaks in, for a
touchdown for Home Team! (The stadium breaks into a giant roar of
approval.) Well, folks, that's what would've happened if Palindromi
hadn't stepped out of bounds.
Achilles: Wait a minute ... WAS there a touchdown, or WASN'T there?
Crab: Oh, no. That was just the subjunctive instant replay. They simply
followed a hypothetical a little way out, you know.
Sloth: That is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of! Next thing you
know, they'll be inventing concrete earmuffs.
Tortoise: Subjunctive instant replays are a little unusual, aren't they?
Crab: Not particularly, if you have a Subjunc-TV.
Achilles: Is that one grade below a junk TV?
Crab: Not at all! It's a new kind of TV, which can go into the subjunctive
mode. They're particularly good for football games and such. Ijust got
mine.
Achilles: Why does it have so many knobs and fancy dials?Contrafactus^635