222 Friendship and Conflict
1990; Tannen, 1990). Governed by implicit societal norms, social interaction
styles can be thought of as scripts for interaction that shape behavior with both
guidelines about how to act in social situations and prohibitions about how not to
act in social situations (Hibbard & Buhrmester, 1998). The agentic social interac-
tion style is status- oriented; focuses on goals of dominance, instrumental rewards,
and asymmetry in social interactions; and tends to be stereotypically associated
with masculine characteristics. Competitiveness plays a central role in an agen-
tic orientation, and both gender- role socialization theory and empirical findings
suggest that boys are “trained” from an early age to be competitive (e.g., Kohn,
1992; Lever, 1978; Maccoby & Jacklin, 1974). In contrast, the communal interac-
tion style is connection- oriented, focuses on maintaining personal relationships,
cooperation, and support, and tends to be stereotypically associated with feminine
characteristics. Overt competition is antithetical to the communal style because it
runs counter to the idea that being “nice” helps to build and preserve interpersonal
bonds. There is also evidence to suggest that socialization by peers plays an impor-
tant role in shaping and encouraging these two kinds of interaction styles among
males and females (e.g., Hibbard & Buhrmester, 1998). Maccoby (1990) noted
that peer interactions are segregated by gender from about age 3 until age 11 years,
and these “segregated play groups constitute powerful socialization environments
in which children acquire distinctive interaction skills that are adapted to same-
sex partners” (p. 516). Maccoby’s work suggests that children seek gender- linked
norms in the broader culture and then try to conform and encourage others to
conform to the cultural “ideal.”
Type of Competition
To the extent that competing to win (i.e., head- to- head competition) is a more nor-
mative part of the agentic social style but inconsistent with the “be nice” ideal of
the communal style, it is likely to be less damaging to male- male friendships than
to female- female friendships, and there is some evidence that this is the case (e.g.,
see Hibbard & Buhrmester, 2010). Moreover, cultural gender role norms and pre-
scriptions for males and females may encourage the pursuit of some needs while
discouraging the pursuit of others. For example, in Western culture the norms for
female- female friendships seem to encourage and reward intimate self- disclosure
and emotional support but discourage overt competition and any attempts to high-
light differences in status (Brown & Gilligan, 1992; Hibbard & Buhrmester, 1998;
Maccoby, 1990; Tannen, 1990). In contrast, the norms for male- male friendships
seem to discourage communal expression or sentimentality at all cost while encour-
aging direct competition and “one- upmanship” (Buhrmester, 1998). Males may
derive more enjoyment from head- to- head competition (Schneider et al., 2005),
whereas females may perceive this type of competition as interpersonal hostility
(Helgeson, 1994). To sum, traditional gender socialization in Western society likely