religious, faith is a major factor that
draws people to fostering.
The rigour of the application process
can also deter prospective parents. The
intent is to filter out starry-eyed appli-
cants who aren’t prepared for what
the job entails. The unfortunate side
effect is that the process scares off
plenty of would-be foster parents. As
one children’s aid worker put it, “You
parent in a fishbowl.”Cindy Stirling’s fishbowl—her home
in Mississauga—looks much like the
ones beside it, except for the garage
door, which has a bright blue and green
fairy garden painted on it, and the num-
ber of bins: three garbage, three recy-
cling, two green. Inside, the walls and
shelves are covered with family por-
traits, each different from the others
by a kid or two. Above Stirling’s desk
is a wall of calendars, art projects and
cards from her kids and grandchildren.
One reads, “I Love You so much gram-
mie in the hole WorlD.”
Right now, the Stirling house has
three foster kids, aged nine, 10 and 17.
Two former foster kids, a pair of19-year-old girls, live in the basement.
They aged out of the system last year,
so Stirling struck a deal: they pay $500
a month for room and board while they
get on their feet. The place fills up with
more former foster kids every week-
end. Thanksgiving involves at least 30
people and two 24-pound turkeys.
In the Stirling household, a few
things are non-negotiable. Kids have
to attend school, and Stirling always
checks if they have homework. Every-
one is expected home for dinner—
amazingly, they eat at 3:30 p.m. because
that’s the only time everyone’s sched-
ules allow. Each kid has a rotating list
of chores, and if one kid breaks a rule,
Stirling sits them down away from the
rest and talks it out. One foster daughter
who stayed with the Stirlings for several
years says she couldn’t recall a time
when Stirling lost her cool. “It really
takes a lot to piss that woman off.”STIRLING TOOK OUT a line of credit on
the house to be able to give her foster
kids loans. She has joint bank accounts
with more than a dozen of her former
kids because they trust her to prevent
them from squandering their savings.
A number of aid societies help her with
funding for the three younger kids.
She tries to find what each foster is
passionate about—a sport, a creative
pursuit—and gets them hooked early,
even if it means dipping into her own
savings. “You’re either paying for these
things when they’re young,” she says,STIRLING TOOK OUT
A LINE OF CREDIT
ON HER HOUSE SO
SHE COULD GIVE HER
FOSTER KIDS LOANS.reader’s digest
54 may 2020