‘Green,’ laughs my friend Nadine, choking on her Margarita.
‘I’m not sure you are qualified to write a feature on sex. I’ve
slept with more people on one holiday than you have in your
entire lifetime.’
I can see her point. I did, however,
note that I had been in a continuous
monogamous relationship for 26 years,
and thus done more shagging than most.
It was just with the same person.
Now I’ve split from my husband,
I am having sex again (don’t tell my
mother). But this time, not as a teenager.
As a grown woman. Which poses both
delights and challenges.
I feel that not being exposed to many
different men, nor many different scenarios,
has meant my sexual development kind of
froze at my university self. And while my
university self was pretty pert (I wish I’d
appreciated this more at the time), she was
also pretty naive. She’d never seen porn
(does Porky’s count?) and never really
deviated from the ‘sexual shorthand’ my
ex and I devised at the time. The truth is
that we found out what worked for us
and for years we were doing tweak-here,
push-there, stand-there sex on autopilot.
But post-break-up, I realise part of this
journey is the potential for a whole new
world of sexual pleasure. Because while
my divorce has swiped away the cosy
future I envisaged, it’s also offering me the
chance to experience the thrill of kissing
- or sleeping with – someone new.
Elizabeth Day, author of bestseller
How To Fail, who found herself divorced
at 36, is encouraging. ‘I thought, “How
much am I missing out on?” Sex had
always been fraught for me. About
“pleasing my man”. It took until I was in
my late-30s to get in tune with my own
body. I’d felt so suppressed for so long.’
But, if I’m going to get in tune with my
body and my sexuality, it’s going to involve - deep breath – being grown-up about sex.
Talking about it, thinking about it, evolving
‘What
do I
really
want in
bed?’
After years of sleeping
with the same person,
could Rosie Green’s
divorce be an
opportunity to rethink
her attitude to sex?SEX