how to Become a Better Listener 5.3 75
college debate team. One sly member of an opposing team sought to distract
him by quoting a bigoted statement that disparaged Asian Americans for “tak-
ing over the country.” It was tempting for Yin Ping to respond emotionally to
the insult, but he kept his wits, refuted the argument, and went on to win the
debate. Heightened emotions can affect your ability to understand a message. If
you become angry at a word or phrase that a speaker uses, your listening com-
prehension decreases.
The particular words that cause listeners to become emotionally aroused
depend on the listeners’ cultural backgrounds, religious convictions, and
political views. For most listeners, words that connote negative opinions about
their ethnic origin, nationality, or religious views can trigger strong emotions.
Cursing and obscene language are red flags for other listeners. When some-
one uses a word or phrase you find offensive, it’s important to overcome your
repugnance and continue to listen. Don’t let a speaker’s language close down
your mind.
How can you keep your emotions in check when you hear something that
sets you off? First, recognize when your emotional state is affecting your rational
thoughts. Second, use the skill of self-talk to calm yourself down. Say to your-
self, “I’m not going to let this anger get in the way of listening and understand-
ing.” You can also focus on your breathing for a moment to calm down.BE A SELFISH LISTENER Although it might sound crass to suggest it, being
a selfish listener can help you to maintain your powers of concentration. If
you find your attention waning, ask yourself questions such as “What’s in
this for me?” and “How can I use information from this talk?” Granted, you
will find more useful information in some presentations than in others, but
be alert to the possibility in all speeches. Find ways to benefit from the infor-
mation you are listening to, and try to connect it with your own experiences
and needs.Listen Skillfully
Besides being aware of nonverbal messages and being mindful listeners, good
listeners enact certain behaviors that help them to stay focused and remember
what they’ve heard. They identify their listening goal, listen for major ideas,
practice good listening methods, adapt their listening style as necessary, and are
active listeners.IDENTIFY YOUR LISTENING GOAL As Figure 5.1 shows, you invest a lot of
your communication time in listening. If you are a typical student, you spend
over 80 percent of your day involved in communication-related activities.^12
You listen a lot. Your challenge is to stay on course and keep your listening
focused.
One way to stay focused is to determine your listening purpose. There are
at least four major listening goals: listening for pleasure, listening to empathize,M05_BEEB3981_05_SE_C05_065-094.indd 75 07/11/14 11:45 AM