Now that other man, the one who’ll scoot on the ground on
his back with the toolbox, and come back out hours later with
car grease all over his shirt and hands and face from trying to
fix your raggedy car? That’s the one who might deserve a cold
beer and later on, some benefits.
Let’s say an ex of yours is starting to call again, and it’s making
you uncomfortable because the breakup was particularly nasty
and you just don’t want to go down that road with him again.
You tell the new guy you’re bothered by this and are not sure
how to make the ex just go away. A benefits-worthy man will
immediately launch into “fix-it” mode—he will see what he can
do to (a) stop the guy from calling, and (b) get you to feel safe
again. He might tell you something like, “Next time he calls, let
me talk to him.” That’s a little extreme, but there are some men
who will get on the line and let the last ex know to mind his
place. Or your new man may give you suggestions for how to
deal with the unwanted phone calls; he might tell you to block
his number or put a special ring on the phone so you know who
it is when the phone rings, maybe even give you a few words to
say to this guy to make him stop calling. This is a pressure situ-
ation; it doesn’t require an action, but a reaction. If the new guy
says something like, “I just can’t get into all of this,” then he’s