NOW WHAT?It’s OK to socialize with and date colleagues. But the law regarding “retalia-
tion” requires that a colleague must be able to decline an invitation without
consequences. The easiest way for a company to lose a sexual harassment
suit is for a plaintiff to prove that she turned down an advance or complained
of a hostile environment and then suff ered retaliation.
A new textbook example comes from Uber. Susan Fowler’s manager proposi-
tioned her on the company chat site. She took a screenshot of it and went to
HR, which gave her a choice: Either she could transfer out of her team, or she
could stay. But if she stayed, the people in HR said, her boss might give her a
poor performance review and they could do nothing about it.
Here’s the problem: Giving someone a poor review because she turned you
down is retaliation, which is illegal. Fowler didn’t want to transfer, because
her team’s project was a great match for her specifi c skills, but she decided
to do so. Fortunately, she found other great work to do, but unfortunately,
she continued to encounter sexist behavior, which she reported to HR. One
day her boss called her in and threatened to fi re her if she didn’t stop making
complaints. That’s retaliation too— and it’s illegal.
You can still compliment your colleagues. But there’s a big dif-
ference between “I like that dress” and “You look hot in that dress.”
What if she really does look hot? Remember, she signed up to be your
colleague, not your girlfriend. Treat her like a colleague unless by
mutual consent, you change your relationship.
Don’t let the pendulum swing too far the other way and bizarrely
avoid women completely. That’s unnecessary, unfair, and illegal: It
deprives women of opportunities simply because they are women.
You cannot refuse to have closed- door meetings with women unless
you refuse to have closed- door meetings with men. Otherwise
women will be denied access to all the sensitive information that’s
shared only behind closed doors, and that’s a violation of federal law.
Moving forward, male allies will continue to play an important
role in fi ghting harassment: If you see something, say something. It
does take courage, but you can use a light touch. If you’re standing
around with a bunch of guys and a female colleague walks by, only
to have someone say, “Wow, she’s hot,” you can say simply: “I don’t